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And if I keep my chin up

"Can't you feel your brain cells being wasted right now?"


"Yeah. Right now I should be sitting in front of a keyboard somewhere composing sonnets to your eyes."

"Instead of lying here and being happy, you mean? Is this just a waste to you?"

"No. No, that's not what I mean. I mean that lately I've felt like I really should be devoting every moment I have to contributing something, you know? Writing things that give little pieces of myself to other people."

"So, writing?"

"I don't know. Yes. The same way all these other people leave me little hints. What they know of life and what I know of life make a powerful combination. I can't put it down."

"So write about this. Your brain cells will die for a good reason. They'll be martyrs."


Break down the barriers

Another morning waking up in this bed would be bliss, I am convinced, but I can't keep doing it because there is trash to take out and business to take care of and, of course, if I stay happy for too long I will get bored and unhappy and the whole cycle starts over again. So I allow myself these brief periods of unpleasantness that make the happy parts so much sweeter. Like riding my bike long distances to see you every day. It made it a hundred times more worth it to have a beautiful girl waiting at the end of the road with a towel and a glass of water.

There are stars out there and I want to make it to see them.

They told us that the stars are different from outside of the atmosphere.

"They're brighter and more sharp. All of the twinkling that you see from Earth is caused by pollution and impurities in the air." My teacher said this confidently, as though he transcended the air all the time. Oh yes, I went up for a jaunt in a geosynchronous orbit yesterday. You haven't been? You really must try it.

At the time I just assumed that he was making things up, but of course it's true, as the disappointing facts of reality always are. Sex isn't good enough the first time. You will not find happiness just because you like your career. You will not find true love by being nice to a lot of people. A lot of things are letdowns.

Now the stars aren't what we think they are. I realized it one night when I looked up at the sky from a parking lot at eleven at night and noticed that the city had created virtual daylight. There aren't any stars at all on that block, even on a clear night. I could write term papers sitting on the wet ground without so much as straining my eyes.

I will grow old. But I will grow old slower than any man who came before me grew old. I will live to see the things that you never imagined.

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