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He: Hello, this is John from Acme Recruitment, How are you? I haven't spoken to you in a while but I just thought I'd give you a call to see how things are going. Are you ok to talk right now?

Me: No, I'm in the middle of a meeting.

He: Keeping you busy are they? Actually what I was phoning about was to check your availability, are you working at the moment?

Me: As I said, I'm in a meeting, so yes, I am.

He: Got this contract through just this morning you see, as soon as I saw it I thought of you. Good rate as well. When you next available?

Me: The year 3000.

He: Right, right. Maybe a little late on this one. Its a good role as well, networking specialist in a large bank here in the City. Thats up your street isn't it?

Me: My specialities are soft toy manufacturing and porn film critic. I know nothing of these modern gramaphones of which you speak.

He: I thought so, thats why I called. Y'know I could set you up with a phone interview for this one, have the whole thing done and dusted in a few days. You could be working as soon as next week.

Me: Both of my parents were aliens, but from different planets. I am a true interspecies minority. Please stop talking to me and go away.

He: Well, sounds like we should get your CV of to them ASAP. I'll do that now if that's ok with you?

Me: Go away, I think of you as less than the spawn of the devil and wish all hatred on your immortal soul.

He: I'll get back to you just as soon as I get any feedback on this. Good talking to you.

Me: Argh *sob*

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