My phone rings and I don't recognize the number of the person calling me. Its early. 8am Monday and my caffiene hasn't kicked in. Nobody else I know should be calling right now. Its too early for the lackeys I work with to be calling in slack, even... Preturbed, I reach for the receiver.

"Danielle speaking" I moan.

"Danielle, good morning. This is Blah blah blah of Yadda Yadda Yadda calling and we'd like to discuss some of Mr. Jones'*** plans for this week." It sounds like this is all this person does every day. So rehearsed. So official. A real go getter...

I'm almost awake.

"Yes" I reply and fumble for a notepad and pen that I can write legibly with.

"Yes, we're flying So and So up to Toronto to meet with Mr. Jones and we'd like him to touch base on the evening he arrives. He'll be staying at the Hilton near the airport and we will notify you via email when we obtain confirmation of his travel itinerary.

"Okay" I reply and watch Outlook stall. "When is he arriving?"

"They are tentatively arriving next Thursday P.M. at approximately 3:30. Do you know the distance the Hilton is from the airport by any chance?"

I jot down nothing. "The Hilton Airport is at the Airport." I pause, searching for a reaction but I hear nothing but keystrokes clittering away on the other end of the line. "I'm sure there will be shuttle buses running to the door or there will be limousines at the arrival doors to take him down the road to his hotel if he cannot walk or take a bus."

"Very well then, I will email you once all the plans are confirmed. I expect to hear back from all parties involved this afternoon."

"Okay, I'll forward your email to Mr. Jones when it arrives."

"I've already left him messages on his cell phone, Blackberry and have sent him an email as well."

"Okay. Then I'm sure he's received your message, but I will follow-up with him once he's arrived."

"Do you need me to reiterate?"

"Pardon?" I joke. The caller isn't on the same humorous plane as I am and I interrupt them before they run through the entire story again.

This vignette from my cubicle illustrates an example of a typical conversation that takes place between two people who are working with others who are out to kiss each other's asses in the corporate world.

Corporate Speak is a dialect. Its used in times and places where confidence in speech is an issue and where liability for the outcome of a task or situation may be at stake. Its used just like clichés are and when the wrong person uses the same phrase to initiate a discussion of warm fuzzy corporate nature too many times, they are labeled as a puppet by their subordinates.

Those who are subject to too much of the above tend to become completely brainwashed or disgruntled and or disinterested with the actual nature of their job.

***not his real name.

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