My
phone rings and I don't
recognize the number of the
person calling me. Its early.
8am Monday and my
caffiene hasn't kicked in. Nobody else I know should be
calling right now. Its too early for the lackeys I work with to be calling in slack, even...
Preturbed, I reach for the receiver.
"Danielle speaking" I
moan.
"Danielle,
good morning. This is
Blah blah blah of
Yadda Yadda Yadda calling and we'd like to discuss some of Mr. Jones'
*** plans for this week." It sounds like this is all this person does every day. So rehearsed. So official. A real
go getter...
"
Yes" I reply and
fumble for a
notepad and
pen that I can
write legibly with.
"Yes, we're flying
So and So up to
Toronto to meet with Mr. Jones and we'd like him to
touch base on the
evening he
arrives. He'll be staying at the
Hilton near the
airport and we will
notify you via
email when we
obtain confirmation of his
travel itinerary.
"
Okay" I reply and watch
Outlook stall. "When is he arriving?"
"They are
tentatively arriving next Thursday P.M. at
approximately 3:30. Do you know the
distance the Hilton is from the airport by any chance?"
I
jot down nothing. "The Hilton Airport is at the Airport." I pause, searching for a
reaction but I hear nothing but
keystrokes clittering away on the other end of the line. "I'm sure there will be
shuttle buses running to the door or there will be
limousines at the
arrival doors to take him down the road to his hotel if he
cannot walk or take a bus."
"Very well then, I will email you once all the
plans are
confirmed. I expect to hear back from all
parties involved this afternoon."
"Okay, I'll forward your email to Mr. Jones when it arrives."
"I've already left him messages on his
cell phone,
Blackberry and have sent him an
email as well."
"Okay. Then I'm sure he's
received your
message, but I will
follow-up with him once he's
arrived."
"Do you need me to
reiterate?"
"Pardon?" I joke. The caller isn't on the same humorous plane as I am
and I interrupt them before they run through the entire story again.
This
vignette from my
cubicle illustrates an example of a typical
conversation that takes place between two people who are working with
others who are out to kiss each other's asses in the
corporate world.
Corporate Speak is a
dialect. Its used in times and places where
confidence in
speech is an issue and where liability for the outcome of a task or
situation may be at stake. Its used just like
clichés are and when the wrong person uses the same phrase to initiate a discussion of
warm fuzzy corporate nature too many times, they are labeled as a puppet by their
subordinates.
Those who are subject to too much of the above tend to become completely
brainwashed or
disgruntled and or
disinterested with the actual nature of their
job.
***not his real name.