Notice to my local
hospital's labor and delivery team for son #2's December 2000 arrival:
Dear Staff,
Yes, we're back! Those of you who were here the last time probably don't need any reminders. This is for the newer employees:
- Nurses:
- Please don't get in the way of the obstetrician and/or midwife.
- If you forget where supplies are kept ask my husband. He knows where everything is stored.
- Do keep a nicotine patch handy for my husband - he's going to need it!
- Do not put an oxygen mask on me, period. If you try this and my hands are free I'll beat the crap out of you.
- OB and/or Midwife:
- Important word: EPIDURAL!!!
- If this delivery results in another C-section, my husband will again scrub up and stay by my side the entire time.
- To All:
- Family and/or friends in attendance may be asked to wait outside. Please cooperate.
- If I see any type of photographic equipment during the delivery I will hurl myself upon you and stuff the device(s) down your throat!
- I have a weak stomach where anesthesia is concerned. Wear appropriate protective gear.