A monotreme is an egg laying mammal. It's also the biggest threat to the human race at the present moment. Why? Because they're pure evil and they want to kill us.

Whenever you see a platypus, what do you think? Probably something about how funny it looks. You never probably think "Wow, that animal might kill me in 10 seconds". But then, in 10 seconds, you've been knocked down on your back and the platypus has used its bill to decapitate you. You're dead, and you didn't see it coming. Nobody sees it coming. They're sneaky, and they take no prisoners.

At this point, you might be wondering what proof I have of this monotreme plot. Well, here's a story. The other day, I was walking in the woods. All of a sudden, I looked at a nearby lake and saw a platypus walking out of the water. Unsuspecting, I started walking towards it. It just stood there, coaxing me on with funny noises and movements of its head. By the time I realized he was actually signaling to his gang of thugs, it was too late--I was surrounded. The look in their eyes told me that they weren't planning on letting me leave, alive at least. So I did what any sensible person surrounded by blood-thirsty platypi would have done--absolutely nothing. I was completely dumbfounded, horrified, and unable to do any simple action, such as breathe.

Luckily, the breathing thing came back to me soon enough. But that still left me with the problem of the monotremes. Because they can smell fear, they began advancing on me. As they came towards me, I did the only thing that made any sort of sense to me--I pulled out the 12 gauge shotgun I luckily had in my jacket and began taking them out. I soon realized that this wasn't killing them--only knocking them down. So, being the brave person that I am, I ran away as fast as I could. I barely made it away in time to write this node on E2.

So what can we do about it? Nothing. They're invincible. When you think they die, they don't--they're just acting. The only thing you might want to consider is staying away from the platypus area at the zoo (they only allow themselves to be "captured" and brought to zoos so as to further trick you into not being afraid of them).

Mon"o*treme (?), n. [Cf. F. monotreme.] Zool.

One of the Monotremata.


© Webster 1913.

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