To: All Employees
Subject: Specialized High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and
productivity from our employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained though our program of Specialized High-Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We aim to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please contact your supervisor. You will immediately be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list. Your supervisor has been specially trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who do not take any S.H.I.T. will be placed in the Departmental Employee Evaluation Program for Specialized High-Intensity Training (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to complete D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. will be sent to Employee Attitude Training for Specialized High-Intensity Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since the supervisory staff took S.H.I.T. before their promotions, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. anymore; they are already full of S.H.I.T.
If you are already proficient in S.H.I.T., you may be
interested in giving S.H.I.T. to other workers. We can add your name to the Basic Understanding Lecture List for Specialized High-Intensity Training (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who complete B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming for Specialized High-Intensity Training (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please direct them to:
Head Of Training, Specialized High-Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Business/Industrial Guidance for Specialized High Intensity
P.S. If you write broken code, you will become a member of
Project for Idiot Employee Continuing Education of Specialized High Intensity Training (P.I.E.C.E. of S.H.I.T.).