Sure it's evil. Sure it's cruel. But boy, is it ever fun. Staring down babies is not only a pastime, it is an art.

Babies are always looking at me. I turn around and pretend that they're not, but I take another glance and it's those same beady little eyes peering into my soul. I will not tolerate oppression. Stare down those babies for all they're worth.

There are different types of babies when it comes to staring them down:

  • Some babies will turn away. I don't like these babies. They're not looking for a challenge.
  • Some babies get a tighter grip on their parents clothes or skin. These babies give me a That's right, who's your daddy-type feeling. After this, I usually strut.
  • Some babies will cry. Often, the parent(s) will see that you were the cause of this. Be careful! Or else you will receive a swift kick in the groin.
  • Some babies will stare right back. This is the baby you're looking for. From this point on, it's all about willpower. Do not look away, under any circumstances. This baby asked for it.

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