i had a blind girl
i had a blind girl isabella
she would appear every month unstable
like a power outage or an unattended cold
i had a blind girl
isabella
and i did not know her name
she would come and draw me
first with her hands
then on her mind
with her hands as well, but with temperature
and all her breath and weight over me
but she would not let me touch her
only she would touch her
this was our blind deal isabella
this was our deal
she would appear every month unstable
she would elongate those even fingers on this even skin
i would memorize her scars like rivers on
a faulty old map
and she would narrate to me blindly
what i did to her
be it near the curve of her breasts
or on her wrists locked above her head
or over the bridge of her hipbones to her thighs
and in the warm valley in between
but she would not let me touch her
only she would touch her
i had a blind girl isabella
and she was sick
like a power outage or an unattended cold
she was sick
she had ghosts
or, she was a ghost
she was my ghost?
i had a blind girl isabella and then i did not have her
i never had her
she would not let me touch her
only she would touch her
and then i did not have her
and then i would never have her
and yet the sweetness of her fingers first on my face
and then in between her lips
she will always my best reward
when i am blind myself
when i am a ghost
and constructing her with my hands