UNIX Man sung to the tune of Nowhere Man by the Beatles.

He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX .plans
For nobody

Knows the blocksize from 'du'
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?

UNIX Man, don't worry
It's the tube that's blurry
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned

He's as wise as he can be
Programs in lex, yacc, and C
UNIX Man, can you help me
At all?

UNIX Man, please listen
My printout is missin'
The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command

Also this song sung to the tune of Pink Floyd's Money.

UNIX, it's a gas;
grab that VAX with
both hands and
make it crash.

UNIX, it's a hit;
Don't give me that
PC DOS Bullshit.
I'm into well benchmarked
POSIX Open Systems
I think I need a RISC chip.

UNIX, jmp back;
I'm all niced now
pop your frame off of
my stack.

UNIX Wizard sung to the tune of Pinball Wizard by The Who

Ever since I heard of Unix
I've always had a ball
From SunOS to Minix
I must have run 'em all
But I ain't seen nothing like him
On systems large or small
That tired, squinting, blind kid
Sure makes a mean sys call!

He sits like a statue,
Becomes part of the machine,
Feeling all the limits,
Knows what the signals mean
Hacks by intuition
His process never stalls,
That tired, squinting blind kid
Sure makes a mean sys call!

He's a Unix Wizard,
I just can't get the gist
A Unix wizard's got such a mental twist

How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?
Ain't got no distractions
Don't hear no beeps or bells
Don't see no lights a flashin'
Ignores his sense of smell
Patches running kernels
Dumps no core at all,
That tired, squinting and blind kid
Sure makes a mean sys call!

I thought I was
The process table king,
But I just handed
My root password to him.

Even on my favorite boxen,
His hacks can beat my best.
The network leads him in,
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy Finger servers
Never will seg-fault...
That tired, squinting blind kid
Sure makes a mean sys call!

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