As an artist I have experienced both rejection and persecution from those who withhold the love which I require to survive. If I am therefore to wither and die, held under the water by those who would do me wrong, it is better to hang for a sheep than a lamb. Only my few remaining ties with the social morality which has caused me such pain prevents my declaration of war. I feel therefore compelled to submit an entry for
Gone in sixty seconds - A theatre quest and this is it.
"The Ninth Planet"
by
Ashley Pomeroy
-
Note:
The cast consists of two men. Drink Man and Paper Man. Drink Man is mildly sozzled and has the best role. Paper Man is reading the paper.
The Situation:
Two men sitting on chairs, facing the audience.
The Minute:
Drink Man: Eh. Eh, excuse me fellow. Sir. I couldn't help but notice that you were reading the paper.
Paper Man: Yes, it's the Daily Telegraph. Boris Johnson is a very funny man.
Drink Man: D'you, ah, d'you happen to know anything about the planets, like?
Paper Man: The planets?
Drink Man: Yeah, you know, the celestial spheres. Great big spinning lumps of rock, and gas...
Paper Man: Well..
Drink Man: And asbestos. There's planets made out of asbestos, you know that? People can't go there because of the fibres, you know?
Paper Man: Right.
Drink Man: D'you know about Pluto?
Paper Man: The Disney character?
Drink Man: Eh?
Paper Man: He was Mickey Mouse's friend. I think he was meant to be a dog. Bit racist nowadays.
Drink Man: Eh? Pluto's the ninth planet. Ninth... out of nine. Last. Last and least.
Paper Man: I believe in France they call it 'Pluton' (said in exaggerated French; "plue-TON")
Drink Man: Eh?
Paper Man: Pluton! In France, they call it Pluton.
Drink Man: Eh?
Paper Man: Yes, it's where the plutonium comes from, Pluto. It's where all the weapons of mass destruction are hidden.
Drink Man: Really? Does NASA know about that?
Paper Man: Yes. I have the telephone number of NASA here if you want it, next to Andrew Marr.
Drink Man: We should blow it up.
END THE