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Have you ever wondered what the best part of being a Band Nerd is? Having a unique skill you can pull out when your social skills fall short.

But, the second best thing is making fun of people that play different instruments than you. So, what follows are some of my favorite band jokes. If you were never in band or didn’t play an instrument, you might not like them, but that’s all right; I don’t find Physics jokes funny. If you do though, enjoy these.

What is the difference between a Tuba and a trampoline?
-You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

How many Clarinet players does it take to tile a bathroom floor?
-Only 3, but you have to cut them in really thin slices.

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?
-Pay him for the pizza.

How do you know if there’s a Percussionist at your door?
-The knocking speeds up and he doesn’t know when to come in.

How can you identify a Trombone player’s kid on the playground?
-He doesn’t know how to swing and can’t use the slide.

How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
-4, 1 to change the light bulb and 3 to say how much higher, faster and better they could have done it.

What’s the difference between a Trumpet player and a government bond?
-The bond eventually matures and earns money.

How do you make a Cello sound beautiful?
-Sell it and buy a Violin

How do you get two Piccolos to play in unison?
-Shoot one.

Where do you find a Soprano?
-Under the Tenor’s robes.

How are a Soprano and a studio apartment similar?
-They’re both cheap and two musicians can fit comfortably.

What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
-On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

What’s the difference between playing a Saxophone and giving a blowjob?
-Some people actually want to give a blowjob.
-Giving a good blowjob is a marketable skill.

If I have offended anyone with my thoughtless comments, I am sincerely sorry. I have the utmost respect for anyone that shares music with the world.