The first snowfall of the season has come, and many things were on my mind, so I took a walk. In a t-shirt.
Pain sharpens the mind. The body needs to be reminded that it is still alive. Any feeling, whatsoever.
Take a walk through the labyrinth of my mind with me, will you?
In a word, obsession. To besiege, to be controlled. An idea, person, place, thing, to which all thoughts and actions are directed. Even when nothing can be done at the time. It weighs on your mind, and the more you try not to think of it, the more you do.
Brownian motion. Snow falls, buffeted by invisible drafts. Falling faster than 5 centimeters per second. Might be dependent on the size of the snowflake.
And thus, whimsy. When obession begins to spin on its axis, stalling, whimsy chooses a direction and follows it. A distraction. Anything but boredom.
Why are we required to follow social protocol of avoiding eye contact? Maintain eye contact. Laugh inside at the absurdity. Evolutionary traits take too long to die out, and although we are not bound by them, we choose to be.
I am a contradiction. Most humans are. Obsessive and whimsical. Social and antisocial. Yearning and spurning attachment. Lonely and content. Sane and insane. Normal and eccentric. Black and white. Alpha and omega. Ying and yang.
A buildup of snow upon a glass table. Evidence of the poor heat conductivity of glass. Same goes for plastic.
Speaking of which, am I merely attention-seeking, taking a walk in the snow? Seeking acknowldgement? I couldn't care less. Possibly.
Should moving cars be treated as conscious beings or inanimate objects? I would recklessly jaywalk (at the risk of death (and complete disregard for the vehicles (after all, they would swerve to avoid me))), but a citation would be inconvenient. Step into the slipstream. Feel the breeze. I should be more reckless sometime.
Do I even need friends? Attempting to sustain a normal social life tends to be the cause of most of my concerns, and by abandoning that would relieve my mind of much stress.
Raindrops. Too cold for that. The snow, it melts. Lampposts generate updrafts by the heat they produce. Does more or less snow land upon lampposts?
I don't think therapy is working. Maybe I should cancel.
Subversion. Do not look at the person. Look through them. Eyes straight ahead. No motion to make or avoid eye contact. Pass.
Doesn't matter.
Back home. The upper lip is the most sensitive to temperature changes. I spend the next five minutes locating arteries in the arms based off subjective temperature.
My outer elbows are still cold.