It is April 30th, 2023, there are 2 hours and 15 minutes left until May 1st.
I would like to talk about the months past and how extremely chaotic and bizarre they were for my mental health.
January
At the beginning of January, I was hit with a very big wave of overthinking, which ultimately ruined a large portion of my month.
I did not feel like I fit into the common people of modern society, I didn't know how to process this so I acted like someone who I wasn't.
Near the end of January, I started to dip my toes into drugs.
February
At the start of February, I was already heavily involved in drugs and the use of them.
I figured that I could just do this forever and it would all end up fine.
This would cause one of the worse sicknesses of my life, which lasted two weeks, I was stuck in bed with an unbelievable headache and lung-ripping cough.
March
Things started to get better in March, I wasn't on drugs as often and It felt better to just live without them.
I started going out with a girl whom I used to like but didn't anymore.
This was a mere distraction from the drugs and other mental illnesses that I had been going through at the time and I didn't actually like this girl.
Near the end of March I decided that it was unhealthy and potentially hurtful for me to be going out with a girl I didn't like so I stopped talking to her.
This was around the time I started getting very close with a friend I had known for a while, I'll refer to her as INE.
It was also around this time that I started exploring myself more and touching on different hobbies and genres.
One of these things was switching my taste in music which has, I feel, changed me tremendously as a person.
April
I was completely off drugs and I couldn't care less about what anyone thought of me or that I didn't fit in.
There was one continual issue, however, I felt alone, not even any petty relationship kind of alone, I just felt alone...
At this point, I was starting to get really close to INE, she would eventually confess her feelings toward me, and I would reciprocate.
I knew I had felt this way about INE for so long but I found it hard to understand in my brain.
I felt a lot better after this had happened, but there was this one itch I still felt which was preventing me from being completely happy.
I spent a long time trying to identify this itch but nothing came of it.
A few days ago on April 27th, 2023, I started reading about Buddhism.
I have never been a religious guy or anything like that but something was drawing me in.
The more I read about Buddhist ways the more I felt like this was going to make me happy.
So I started passively incorporating ways of the Buddha into my life, I started meditating and taking time to reflect.
I am now at my highest point in life.
I don't like talking to people so I figured I'd write about it here as a way to express my feelings.
I wish life could stay this easy forever.