you're as smooth as a cement milkshake
(go suck some pavement)
smooth as the scalp of the
laziest buddhist monk, smooth as
the ride home from a sixteen year old driving
stick shift, smooth as
premature ejaculatory fluid

you are as smooth as a rocky road sundae
in a greenhouse
in kentucky
in july

if bricks could pillow talk

you're as smooth as cream of burlap soup, as
the screams of an overworked
hooker, smooth as the skin on her knees

petting a porcupine backward

smooth as calling the day after

you are as smooth as eggshells, after they've
been walked on for two years, to avoid tripping
over the enormous, oversensitive
alcoholic elephant in the room

a pillowcase full of pit vipers

if cacti could french kiss

you're as smooth as the first shot of whiskey
after nine shots of whiskey

you are as smooth as an april fool's joke
where somebody cries. smooth as a mouthful of
pure unadulterated bullshit. smooth as introducing
the girl you're fucking to the girl you want to
date as "the most gorgeous girl in the world"

you are as smooth as a spoonful
of your own tasteless medicine

you are as smooth as the sway
of my apathetic hips, smooth as the black
suede knee-high boots that i have
no trouble walking in, smooth as an
empty cadence, a loaded tongue, as
nails not bitten or chewed

you are as smooth as my
conscience, but not yours