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Thu Aug 29 2002 at 00:17:28 (18.7 years ago )
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I have yet to meet anyone bored to the extent that they would find my bio interesting. And given that you're currently on Everything2, I'd say you can find much, much more interesting things to read about than some random person's life. Plus, it gives me an excuse to postpone writing this until I can think of something more interesting to say.

But I suppose if you really have nothing better to do you can read this. It helps to know a little bit about the Book of Job and Steve Jobs first.

Jobs was a farmer, as were most back then.
A poor man, but his fortune soon came when
He cultivated brand new Apple trees
And showed them to the world, proclaiming "These
Are tastier and easier to eat
Than all the others -- I have got them beat."
And all who sampled Jobs’ tasty snack
Agreed with him, and kept on coming back.
Jobs grew more fruit to better stock his shop
And soon required aides to tend his crop
He searched for gardeners who would suffice
And chose some quickly replicating mice.

For all his wealth Jobs gave thanks to the Lord
And for his piety he was adored.
By Satan, though, poor Jobs was quite deplored.
So once, when Satan felt a little bored,
He made his hatred known unto the Lord.
"It seems," he said, " That Jobs likes his reward.
His righteousness is notable although
There is one thing we simply do not know.
Could Jobs be simply a fair-weather friend?
On lacking wealth, would all of his prayer end?
Permit me, Lord, to find out which is true:
Is Jobs religious, or just using you?"
The Lord believed in Jobs so much that He
Immediately knew He would agree.

Jobs’ wealth was the first target that was struck
-- Though it appeared to Jobs to be just luck.
Around his orchard grew some fearsome Gates
Which kept poor Jobs from growing his estates.
Some Windows from the Gates began to spawn:
From one to three to three-point-one and on.
Soon ninety-five had grown out from each Gate
Which quickly grew from that to ninety-eight.
The Windows kept on multiplying till
There were two thousand, each with its own sill.

And though the Gates an Adversary peered.
He watched the apples, stroking his long beard.
He stole Jobs’ mice, he copied Apples and
He then produced his own under his brand.
Though his compared to Jobs’ were quite bland,
They suited tastes of those from every land.
He undercut Jobs’ prices, too, and so
Jobs’ customers decided they must go.
Jobs’ orchard shrank, and his vast fortune waned.
His daughter’ Lisa, could not be sustained.
And though by all of this poor Jobs was pained
It is worth noting he had not complained.

For he had had another inspiration:
A bite-sized Apple’d be a great sensation!
With Newton he could make his orchard grow,
And maybe get the fearsome Gates to go.
He brought it out to market and was struck --
He got no buyers; no one dropped a buck.
Jobs couldn’t figure out why this would be --
His was the only bite-sized Apple tree.
With this new failure, Jobs was booted out
Of his dear orchard that he’d caused to sprout.

Yet in his sorrow Jobs remained devout.
He did not whine or cry or even pout.
Since he remained devout despite his jams,
God gave him sixty-four bright golden rams.
And said "Though your ex-customers are jaded,
They will buy anything that’s brightly shaded."
With this advice Jobs went back to his trees
And with his Apple-making expertise
He sold bright-colored apples and grew rich
But Satan’s plans, you see, had had a glitch:

Without the Lord or Satan even knowing,
The Gates had never ceased their hasty growing.
The Gates by now were massively unfurled
And threatened to encompass the whole world.
The Lord then sent a Judge to split the Gates
He failed, placing the world in dire straits.
Yes, though the Lord might put up a facade,
The Gates were now more powerful than God.