THERE CAN BE ONLY e2iπ.
The Stripper Experiment is gone, irrevocably deleted, that January through March of my life another shady incident in some sort of pubescence I've noticed some other adults never experience. Now, I am a school bus driver.
Unemployment has changed me. Has revealed me a monster, a loafer. I revile everything, and I now have wrinkles in the corners of my mouth from frowning. I'm 22. A child with wrinkles.
A woman Magda has been sending faxes in, hastily scrawled notes which I am poorly paid to type for her into a document which she will take to the University of Iowa Writers' Workshop. She fits in about 10 words per page, and the faxes are always over 100 pages. I have to feed the paper into the fax machine one sheet at a time because Sara hasn't had time to replace the rollers in the machine. The story Magda is writing is about the time she caused a row in Cuba by kissing Fidel Castro. She fancies herself famous, important. Her writing is atrocious. She is a crinkled woman, weather beaten and hideous for her age, no older than 40. Her story is 21 pages long, and I hate every word. Too much sexual innuendo, too much capitalizing on the sensuality of Latino cultures. But I am not a member of the academic writing community. I write papers on business and math topics, dry, dumbed down, empty. Hers are filled with every wrinkle I see on her face, every sin in her soul. The paper is written from the pride in her heart. Poor ugly woman.
Things I like:
Mathematics, Allure by Chanel, Marc Jacobs, Rachmaninov, Siamese kitties, honey, photos, Catch-22, d8's, strip clubs, poufy skirts, San Francisco, quarters, heat, red, pens, Chicago, tiaras, construction paper, sleeping bags, french toast, yoga, learning, hating, loving, leather, Hondas, wrapping paper, flags, pink, vibrators, scrapbooks, car wrecks, DOA3, Jon Stewart, lotion, massage, butts, flat-panel monitors, lace, necks, DnD 3rd Ed., running, index cards, daffodils, electrical tape, gas grills, .5 mm pencils, ducks, calling cards, aquamarine, guppies, bracelets, postage stamps, hugs, dances, hands-free sets, ice cream, cotton, Clinique, bath oil, Great Grains, old country music, life insurance, driving, the Wild West, stereotypes, Oreo blizzards, orange juice, fucking, music videos, biting, spending, wine, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and hurting.
Things I do not like:
Liberals, children, winter, chunky heels, Express, French culture, jam sessions, waiting, compromising, blue, grapefruit, bourbon, rubber stamps, condoms, midwestern racism, art history, gay pride, jewel cases, platforms, microphones, twisted phone cord, nylon socks, gerbils, Halo, new country music, miniskirts, cell phones, textbooks, busy work, protests, ice, gift bags, packing tape, pennies, unions, Bic pencils, legal pads, spicy food, VHS, Japanese culture, lakes, spiders, speakers, business, rubber bands, my inherent cruelty, Colin Quinn, hex screws, pregnancy, alarm clocks, Abercrombie, tanning salons, watches, judgment, engagement rings, boobs, stray cats, power point, air conditioners, Dave Matthews Band, chinese food, shorts, linoleum, manuals, nail polish, body hair, and thirst.