So it's been yet another very long while since I've posted anything here. Nothing much has changed about my life since my last Daylog- still working at the magazine, still saddled with the strip-club-bouncer night job (which I hate with a white-hot passion), still doing 3D modelling, still broke. My roomie has shown that, no, he cannot in fact remain sane or civil. I'm still single and hating it. Haven't written much of anything lately (another long drought of writer's block). Not getting much sleep lately. Been antisocial like mad lately.
It's been almost a month since I popped into E2. Not much has changed here, either. The servers, I've noticed, have gotten progressively slower, which is a bit of a bother, but that's not really my problem, is it?
Got a new laptop, which is far and away better than the old clunker I was using for the better part of two years. It's nice to be able to fire up 3DS Max whenever I want to or Photoshop without wondering if it's going to make my computer vomit.
I miss writing. God, do I miss it.
I miss creating scenarios, worlds, characters and ideas that take me away from the world I live in. I miss the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when I write, too. And it's not like I haven't tried, mind you. There's just so much else that's been taking up my time and energy. The magazine is still struggling just to keep its doors open, let alone pay the staff on a regular basis. All of my free time is being spent either sleeping or taking care of chores/responsibilities. I miss my freedom of youth, most of all, the ability to do whatever tickled my fancy from one moment to the next. Nowadays, the only creative writing I do is when I'm editing someone's articles which were too long/short for the magazine, the blue-moon posting to a Trek RPG or snippets of humorous stuff on the SciFi-Meshes forums. That, to be honest, is no way for a writer to live or express himself.
But what can I do? I'm stressed to the gills. Therein lies the source of my writer's block. Stress. Depression. Doubt.
I'm living leaner and meaner these days. It's a no-frills life and it sucks most of the time. I may be an isolationist by nature, but this is getting ridiculous.
I keep telling myself that once the magazine starts paying me what it should, then I'll be able to relax some and get back to a sense of normalcy.
What is normal?
"Normal is what everyone else is and you are not." - Doctor Tholian Soran, Star Trek: Generations