So you seriously wish to
disappear and never be
found? The
experiences of numerous people who have come before you ought to be
instructive in this
endeavor. To insure maximum success, you will need to take the following steps (provided you can afford them). First, you will need to take some flying lessons, and specifically lessons by which you will learn to fly a small, single engine plane. Don't worry, you won't need to buy an
airplane. You can
rent one, and it is sure to be
insured. Second, you will need a live
hand grenade. What you'll want to do then, once you've become confident in your flying skills, is to rent that plane, fully fueled, for one last solo trip. Do a last-minute check to be sure you are not wearing any article of clothing which is likely to float, and then head straight out over the
Pacific Ocean. This is presuming you live somewhere on the Pacific Coast -- if not, you'll need to get there first.
Anyway, you'll be flying
South-Southwest. That is, on a
path as though you were headed to some
mystic point halfway between
Hawaii and the
Polynesian Islands. We are speaking now of one of the most remote stretches of
islandless water on the face of the Earth. Fly relatively low over the water, so as to avoid the attention of
radar, until your plane begins to run perilously low on
fuel -- down to less than, perhaps, a quarter of a tank. There is no going back now, so resolve yourself to execute the rest of the plan. Scan the glorious
horizon to be sure that no one else is around -- at least not close enough to get a good look at what you're up to or attempt to interfere in some way -- and then
throttle back, pulling the airplane into an upward
trajectory, climbing as far into the
sky as its coursing engine will take it. This is where the hand grenade comes in. Put it in your
mouth. Pull the
pin. Put your
hands over your
cheeks.
In the extremely unlikely event that some body part of yours should ever come ashore somewhere, it will be unidentifiable, since your best identifying features -- your
face,
teeth and
fingerprints -- will have been blown to smithereens. It's a good idea to have a spare hand grenade handy, in case the first one turns out to be a dud. Naturally, the plane will be blown half to bits as well when the grenade goes off. Though the
wreckage will float for some time, you should at this point be at a
remote enough spot that no one will even be passing close enough overhead to find the scattered flotsam of your erased existence. And if they do, you'll be presumed dead (correctly), and no one will bother you any further.
The one major
drawback to this plan is the possibility that you will return as a
ghost to
haunt the spot of your demise, which will be very, very
boring, since there will be naught to haunt but
fish and
whales. In light of this serious risk, you may wish to reconsider your desire to disappear and never be found.