user since
Sat Nov 11 2000 at 03:33:45 (23.6 years ago )
last seen
Fri Jan 7 2005 at 12:40:47 (19.5 years ago )
number of write-ups
129 - View RalphyK's writeups (feed)
level / experience
11 (Literatus) / 7501
C!s spent
mission drive within everything
To build a better gibbon
Always try to seek out a motto
most recent writeup
The "Safety Dance" London end of year 2004 perfumed ponce meetup
Send private message to RalphyK

Hello. I am RalphyK. Hear me roar.

amnesiac - a tribute

Favourite msgs and/or catbox bollocks (catbollocks?):

<amnesiac> the solution to Asylum Seekers are better signs to the Asylum

The Librarian says message received and understood stop acting upon intelligence gathered immediately stop will update when advised of new condition stop god please don't stop

The RalphyK Award for Best Writeup of the Year 2002

I'll have to reproduce it here, as (surprisingly) it was nuked, but not before giving the catbox a bloody good laugh. And the award goes to:


(idea) by name changed to protect the mistaken

A constanant is a letter of the English alphabet which basically isn't a vowel (aeiou). Therefore, constanants are simply the following letters:


Interestingly, Webster 1913 doesn't seem to recognise this term, neither does a normal dictionary... I'm sure this term exists - research shows it is featured on a number of web sites as well.

Fabulous, or what? Wouldn't you take it as a massive clue that a word wasn't in any dictionaries you could find? However, the "research" proves that it is, in fact, on several websites - a simple Google search shows current offenders to be a model railway page, a page of tips for aspiring singers (blimey, take their advice with a pinch of salt), and many more. Fans of comedy bad spellings should do Google searches for "cunty council", "accuntants", and "Yorkshite". The message is clear, folks - don't trust the internet. Ever...

Update! 2004 Best Writeup Winner!


V. To play the societal role of father to someone, usually inappropriately.

Example:"I don't like your condescending paternization of me just because you've been noding longer."

Superb. I don't think there's anything more I need to say. It stands up by itself, proud and aloof yet melancholy, like a casually erect penis with paint stains on it.

Updated homenode! New and improved! Featuring more arse!

-- Life Story --

When I was a child, my planet, Krypton, was dying. To save me, my father sent me into space in a special craft which- no, hang on, that was my cousin Ted.

Born in England, lived in Ireland, and England, and America, and Ireland, and England again. I'm here now. In England. Again.

Now I spend my time as part of a group of Vietnam vets living in the LA underground, framed for a crime they didn't commit. If you need help - and if you can find us - maybe you can- oh, no, hold on, that's my mum.

I like watching programmes about monkeys, especially the silly looking ones that are all arms, and that go "Oo-oo-oo-oo, AHH! AHH! AHH! AHH!" in every single film set in the jungle.

Lately I've been trying to track down the one armed man who killed my wife and framed me for- no, got it wrong again, I see where I've made the mistake, that is in fact the bloke who comes round to sell us milk in bottles.

Anyway, I've said too much. I can't let you leave here alive.

-- My Favourite Writeups --

Star Trek Mishaps - pure, unadulterated genius.
Return of the Jedi - Lord Brawl's writeup. If you listen carefully, you can hear a million kids' hearts breaking...

While I'm on a recommending buzz, go and check out IWhoSawTheFace, because (a) his writeups are shockingly good (every last one of them), (b) he's a top bloke, but mainly (c) he's got naked photos of me and Bea Arthur, you know, *doing* it, and will publish them if I don't mention him here. So go read his stuff. For your own sake.