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A few days ago, I couldn't get my wedding ring off.  

I take my ring off quite often; before showers, before massages, before particular kinds of exercise. This time was before a shower, so after a few attempts and methods, I gave up and showered with it on. I've had it off several times since then, but it was certainly a warning for the future, and so now I must make a decision.

I got married 6 years ago. At the time when I received the ring, I was 5 kgs* less than I am now.  At one point, I successfully made an effort to lose weight by reducing carbs and dairy, going down to 22 kgs under where I am now.  The ring was loose then, but still fit fine. I like pasta and cheese though, and decided I preferred the delicious food more than I enjoyed being slim. Now after a number of years of slowly gaining weight, I have regained what I dropped plus more, and I am the heaviest weight I've ever been.

Over the last six months, the ring has more and more often given me a little trouble to get off occasionally.  Slowly I've watched the last couple of kgs adding on these last few months, knowing it was going to get to a point when my finger was too big for my ring, knowing I was going to have to decide to lose weight again or get my ring resized. For many, this would not be a tough decision.  Socially, losing weight is the only answer.

I gained weight again because I consciously chose food.  It was a decision I weighed up (pun intended) the pros and cons on before deciding about. It was not born of being lazy, of not being able to lose weight.  It was literally because my happiness at eating a wide variety of tasty and delicious things was important to me, to be able to enjoy any food at any time in any amount without having to refuse things due to a diet. To be able to slowly eat another helping because the taste was amazing, even though I was already physically sated.  These things are important to me, even though it is socially taboo to think that way.

I had just woken up, and due to time constraints I needed a shower straight away.  My body was hot from sleep still, so my finger was swollen from the hot blood.  Ordinarily, I get up and potter around with no purpose for a while, allowing myself to slowly wake up properly. My blood has usually cooled by the time I have a shower and I can easily take my ring off.  Not that morning.  I tried to ease it off, using tricky motions that can sometimes work.  Sometimes it sticks a bit but then comes off still.  Not this time, it stuck and stuck quite solidly.  I pushed the ring back on my finger quickly before the blocked blood could swell my finger more and make it impossible to remove my ring without medical intervention.  Next I tried running it under cold water.  The water wasn't cold enough, and my finger was still extra swollen from having had the ring stuck solidly once already.  I did not have time to wait for my blood to cool or to go try ice.  I showered with it on instead.

I am loathe to resize my ring.  As much as I have consciously chosen food over weight, I still did enjoy being slim. Liking one thing (food) does not preclude liking another opposed thing (slim).  Now that the possibility of resizing my ring is staring me in the face and demanding to be seen, it makes me realise that despite my decision for food and lack of action for diet, there is still part of me hoping to get slimmer again, or at least drop 5kgs. That part doesn't want me to resize my ring.  That part of me wants to do the socially acceptable answer.

It is one or the other, and a decision must be made.


*5kg is roughly 11 pounds.