Stability pisses me off.
I'm in love with the river of constant change. The myriad twists and turns of life where you never know what might be around the corner. That is where I live the best. There is where I find my sunshine. The danger around the next bend is fine with me, as long as those magical surprise boxes still appear. Lately there haven't been any of either.
Thought it might be nice to settle down and not have to think for a change. Thought it might be nice to have a regular job, get married and be a respectable dead guy. Well, sometimes trading freedom for security isn't the answer.
Five years in Orlando. It began as a quest and became a wonderful dream, at least for the first eighteen months of existence in this place. Bad luck took root in the soil after that period. Being suddenly stripped of your job, your car and any kind of income can have an impact on you, especially when you are riding the bus and bumming smokes and begging the guy at the pizza place to hire you. Funny thing about having skills is that when you are down on your luck, people won't hire you because they say you are overqualified and will quit on them the moment you get a better offer. There is a vicious cycle that kicks into motion when your life falls apart. The thing is, I enjoyed that period of my life. It taught me to fight and taught me that I could never give up. The fight kept me going and made me stronger. I knew I would see the light. I knew I would get beyond the desert and find an oasis. That is the stuff my dreams are made of.
Don't ask me to do long division.
Some years back I met a woman. She was a dead girl and experienced many of the same symptoms of death that I did and still do. Part of it she described as being a vampire but I changed her wording. Empathy is not a trait normally associated with vampires. I instead compared us to angels, as if in dying and returning to this place we were like the fallen whose wings were not strong enough to hold them in the sky. We talked for several days, had some fairly remarkable dead people sex, and then went our separate ways. She insisted on being a vampire. I couldn't deal with it any longer.
There is this need to go back out into the void. Here on my island I am stagnating and no longer working towards a cause I once believed in. There are new people to be met and new experiences to be had. I can always see it in their eyes. Yet, I continue to cloud my vision and lose the path. Too much I have seen already and yet not enough. Somewhere on the other side of a curtain there are two men on horseback who are dressed in red. They wait for me to return and I will not be able to get past them unless I have my wings again. The problem is, I seem to have wandered off the path, and I am losing the vision. I need to refocus and change direction. Too many ships get lost at sea when they throw the navigator overboard. Maybe I'll forget about it and just go eat some flowers.
And someone told you I was sane?
Come on.