As much as my life is slowly becoming better - I feel like there's plenty of lost time to make up for. The harder I work on things, the more I realize how behind I am; compared to so many people of my age.
Two weeks back, something to this effect took place. After being unemployed for a fair bit of time, I got a job and things started to look up. I was also very involved with uni work. However, things don't always stay stable for too long in my reality. I started getting lesser shifts at both my jobs. And uni work went down the drain with procrastination dominating assignment deadlines. I slept in frequently, refusing to come terms with my sad conditions. My room was my cave.
Getting into the state of being suicidal is a place everyone has been to. We all have, sometimes been so tensed by life's problems; that we wished it would all go away that very instant. And suddenly, you would snap out of that hallucinatory gaze. Suicidal tendencies are brought about slowly amongst most people. The process of feeling that way itself is quite slow and gradual. I am still uncertain as to whether or not I was sick of being alive or just holding out for that legendary second chance.