I.
I was once born by
this woman with whom
I shared my
sense of essence, and without
Whom I had none,
for I was an organ.
Upon that instance
I was embittered,
For I had
wrapped my umbilical cord
Around my neck, and the doctor cut it.
II.
I once had
prized my loneliness, and then
I had to go to school with other boys,
And girls, and I had
to play by their rules.
I had to take their
dumb tests, which I could,
And run to their
dumb bases, which I could,
But not so well, and
not without crying.
III.
I once enjoyed my
virginity, the
Utter pleasure of not giving a damn
About
her feelings, or
his opinions.
But then I got
too good at losing it.
I loved too readily, and
love ran out.
And
I came only to desire it.
IV.
I once appreciated ev'ry dime,
But once I had to make them for myself,
I learned to spend them unproductively.
I made great stores of
fiat bills in clips,
But drained them
as a banker would, in ways
That reflected their flammability.
V.
I came to live in the
Caribbean,
Or some other
non-contiguous chain,
Where there were
warmth and ignorant women.
I well sustained until I felt that I
Was unsustainable,
without reason --
But just because I had to die some day.
VI.
I once was killed by my optimism.
The need to drive myself to improvement
Enlightened me of my most
perfect state.
That I should be perfect if I were dead,
Correcting for the
outstanding failure
Of my unwillful birth, at suicide.