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Academic Integrity—We’ve Heard Of It!

The modern English-language encyclopedia has a proud history spanning over a quarter of a millennium, guided by a single virtue: academic integrity. It has achieved its status as trusted repository of human knowledge by its steadfast rejection, without bias or agenda, of all that is unproven, unsubstantiated, and superstitious.

Factual accuracy, scientific validity, rigorous scholarship: these are the hallowed hallmarks of encyclopedic tradition. And they are precisely what we shall have none of here at the Encyclopedia Blipvertica.

We won’t bury you under a mountain of so-called facts, only to have to revise them later as the political or scientific climate changes. Publishers such as Britannica have been playing this con game for centuries, trapping their customers into paying for an endless cycle of new editions whose contents become obsolete long before their gilded leather bindings show a spot of wear. Nor do we make any pretense of impartiality or neutrality. There is another site called Wikipedia where they do that sort of thing. A lot. We highly recommend a visit to those suffering insomnia, or who simply have a lot of time and enjoy reading words. But nowhere on any of Wikipedia’s 23,722,594,086 pages^{[citation needed]} shall you find a single word about the imminent collapse of civilization. So much for neutrality!

We at the Encyclopedia Blipvertica make you a simple promise. We won’t suppress important information simply because it’s unpopular or unsubstantiated or completely absurd. Or possibly contradicts an established fact of some sort. Nor shall we hide our agenda, which is to provide the kind of lasting knowledge as could survive a Dark Age, and remain just as valid and relevant as it was on the day we created it.

That’s a promise you can count on. God help you should you ever need to.