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I consider myself to be a master of the Magic 8 Ball. I ask strategic questions in order to get the answers I want, and everytime it has worked (as far as I can remember). The Magic 8 Ball isn't just a black plastic ball that holds a (i don't know how many sides) die with answers to Yes or No questions. It's a way of life. Ok, no, for the most part it's just a plastic ball with a blue die, but STILL. This little novelty can give you answers to life's many tough questions. The Magic 8 Ball I have is actually a program on my TI-83 that I downloaded from http://www.ti-calc.org. I'm sure you can find it there. It's not the same as the black plastic ball, but it still gives random answers to Yes or No questions. I use it at least once a week, and even more sometimes.

Anyways, let's cut the shit and make you a Master of the Magic 8 Ball.

Here are some tips on getting answers you want:

  • One way of getting answers you want is to be sure to make your question clear. It can't be ambiguous.
    For example, if you are asking a question with someone's name in it, you should include their full name.
    Ex. Instead of "Is Jake thinking about my right now?", you should say "Is Jake Lastname thinking about me right now?".
    This is because there is probably more than one Jake the 8 Ball has to go through, and that's just plain confusing for Mr. 8 Ball, isn't it!
  • I've always found that the 8 Ball won't give me answers I want if I ask it to predict the future.
    If you ask it something like "Are we all going to die tomorrow because of a bomb attack on the school?".
    The 8 Ball is not going to have any idea what you are talking about. If you are lucky it will tell you "Please ask again later" or something else telling you that it is uncertain. If it doesn't, you will be getting bad answers and that's not good. We don't want you getting "All signs point to yes" on a question like that.
    You can, however, ask it questions that you already know the answer to. Something like "Is tommorow Saturday?". In a way, that is a question about the future, but it's not a prediction. It is, however, a known fact that tommorow (if that day is Friday) will be Saturday, no matter what.
  • Just remember that your 8 Ball is very wise. It can answer any question about the present or even the past. But just don't ask it to predict the future. I think that's where everyone messes up. They think their 8 Ball has a magic time machine that will predict their future. NO, SIR, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. Sure it's fun to ask questions like "Will an elephant fall on the school today?". While it is possible an elephant could fall on the school, the 8 Ball will not be able to tell you if that is going to happen today or tommorow. It just doesn't know.
  • Last tip: Be creative! Use your imagination. You hold in your hand the smartest machine known to man. It has all the answers to questions about the past and present. Who do you know in this world that knows all these answers. Sure, you're thinking that Yes and No are the basic answers it gives, but NO SIR. What the 8 Ball knows is everything. You can ask it ANYTHING and get a valid answer. You can't ask your smart grandpa "Did I do well on my math test?". He's just not gonna know, what with that tube in his throat not allowing him to speak. You don't see blue dice in his eyes, do you? NO, YOU DON'T.

    Remember, the 8 Ball is your friend. You do not mistreat your friends (unless you are a selfish bastard) so don't mistreat your 8 Ball. This will lead to invalid answers if you do.

    HAVE FUN WITH YOUR Magic 8 Ball!