Codependence, as the term is used today, has various
meanings. In general, it refers to how some past events starting in our
childhood "
unknowingly" affect some of our
attitudes,
behaviors and
feelings in the present, often with
destructive consequences. We are not usually aware of it when it happens; however, there are signs.
One key sign, perhaps
vague, is that our attitudes or behaviors or feelings are somehow out of
proportion to what is happening in our lives in the present. We may feel we are "less than,"
inherently flawed or
shameful. We may feel
sad or
angry or
scared or just plain
lonely most of the time. We may try to escape with
alcohol,
drugs, or various other
addictive or
compulsive behaviors. Even if we succeed in changing these behaviors, we may still feel "
not quite right."
The good news is that we can learn how to
recognize and
deal with our
unresolved past so it no longer distorts the present. It becomes a
life process, rather than a
solution,
cure or
event.