I wasn't sure how to phrase this writeup. It's hard for me to write about this subject, so I apologise in advance for clumsy phrasing or inadequate conclusions.
When I saw the title 'The current way alcohol rape is prosecuted is wrong', I thought it would be a node arguing for harsher prosecution. I'd be inclined to agree with that sentiment, but then I'm biased. The police called me yesterday to tell me that based on the evidence I've provided, they can't arrest the person who raped me. A voluntary interview followed by nothing is the best I can hope for. I can't even begin to put down in words how much this hurts me. I was drunk. He was less drunk. He did not have my consent, and he knew that. I can't doubt that he knew that. I'd told him before, over and over, that no, no I didn't want to ever have sex with him. I had a boyfriend who I was just beginning to really fall for. He knew that, too. What followed wasn't sex but rape: it wasn't about having sex with me, it was about taking revenge on me for not letting him fuck me when he asked the first few thousand times. Intention is key.
I know rape can be a hard thing to define. I know that for someone who was innocent of any offence to be prosecuted would be a terrible thing. But while I've never met anyone who's been successfully prosecuted for rape, guilty or otherwise, I've heard story after story of the guilty getting away with rape. My aunt has been raped on a number of occasions and while she's reported it each time, not once has she secured a successful conviction. On the last occasion, the police assured her that the evidence was irrefutable. Her case never reached the courts. The boy who raped me is going to continue joking about it, telling people I'm a slut, following me around. All I can do is report it to the police and have them ignore me. I appreciate that an innocent person being convicted of rape would be terrible, but the police units that dealt with me, my aunt and other people that I know have displayed such incompetence that I fail to see how any case would make it as far as court, let alone one involving an innocent party.
In the UK, over two-thirds of rape cases drop out at the police investigation stage, failing to make it as far as the courts. One quarter of cases reported as rape cases are subsequently 'no-crimed' by the police. Approximately 5% of reported rapes end in eventual conviction. One wonders how many of those involve the innocent, since these convictions generally only occur in the face of overwhelming evidence. As for 'campus rape', as Patrick Cronin says in his article 'The right rape statistics', which can be found in full on the LA Times website, those who suggest that "most campus 'rape' cases exist in the gray area of seeming cooperation and tacit consent, which is why they are almost never prosecuted criminally" are confusing "a reluctance to prosecute with the absence of crime".
The way that alcohol rape cases are investigated is poorly-managed and harmful to the victim. It took me three weeks to come forward, and then only after much persuasion from a nurse I knew, my sister and my then boyfriend. Partly because of that, and also because the case involved alcohol, I was treated at all times as an unreliable witness. There is a distinct lack of education and information available to both men and women on the subjects of rape and consent. I'm not stupid. I've hooked up with guys before, while drunk. I know the difference between sex and rape.
I guess the only way to be sure is for all men and women to act like my ex-boyfriend, who always, always made sure he had my consent. Even if it was obvious, even if I hadn't been drinking, he always made sure I was comfortable with what was happening. It's not irritating. It doesn't interrupt the flow of events. Quite the opposite, in fact: it gave sex an undercurrent of tenderness and caring, which made it so far removed from what had happened to me that it didn't even seem in any way connected.