So
the ride is officially over.
It was fun while it lasted I guess. Kind of an interesting
metaphor really,
a reationship like a rollercoaster. Hmmm, that sounds
bad. It wasn't bad, just heart-crushingly
up and down in a major way. But
it's over now, and I am stepping out of the seat and
walking away from that ride for a while.
Perhaps I am phrasing that wrong, I don't know. I mean, we'll still be friends, even though it will tear me apart inside at first. I think this is far worse than the last time.
It was bound to happen though. It wouldn't be my life after all if something were to actually work out for once.
Nothing ever does ya see, and I know how incredibly selfish that statement is, and trust me it hurts me to say, but it is how I feel.
It makes me wonder though, because everything made sense between us, everything worked almost perfectly....it just happened to not be the right time I guess.
We met at the wrong junction baby and I know that there is nothing wrong with you wanting to focus on yourself and what makes you happy, and with not wanting to worry about how someone else is going to feel. I understand that, and I accept that, but I am not going to sit here and let you tell me to not be sad, because I am.
I am going to be sad for a long time.
What's worse is that I think this will make me feel how you do now. That it will make me feel like I don't want anybody in my life because I don't want to have to care. And that scares me because I love caring.
Just like I loved laying there with you, a light breeze blowing through the window, and you holding me close to keep me warm.
I don't know what else to say right now. I am tired and am still at work cuz he txt me to say "SORRY" right when I finished.
Course there is that fear that if I keep writing I will read this tommorow and want to puke from all the mellow drama that I just "ralphed" all over the wup.
Get away from me, get away from, this isn't going to be easy, but I don't need you believe me.
Yeah you got a piece of me, but it's just a little piece, I don't need anyone these days to feel like I'm fading away.
Counting Crows
Update: So it seems like things were not what they seemed at all...the whole time we were together...how different it all would have been if you had told me about dre from the beginning. It all makes sense now...perfect sense, and it is horrible for me to have to think about all that you said to me and wonder if any of it was real or if it was all hollow and empty.....
I fucking hate you for this and it will stay with me forever. I wish I had never heard your voice.