Do you ever feel like someone is trying to
node something *to you*. It is 3:00 in the morning and I just got out of the
shower. Sometimes the shower helps to clear my mind but my world is no more limpid than it was when I got in. I have a class in five fucking hours and I have a test in that class and I haven't studied enough and I just don't fucking care.
So there is this girl (that is _always_ how this story starts), she is driving me mad; actually I am driving myself mad about her. I don't know what happend or why and everything I learn about this that should elucidate some part of the situation only seams to make the picture more muddy. It seems to be sort of like quantum tunneling as soon as you think that you have realy nailed something down about the way things are you find your subject in a completly different place than you expected.
I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be so damned upset about a girl; two years is a long time but it is realy over now. God damn it, I am upset anyway. I don't want to be. I don't want to make myself this miserable, but I am, and this is all compunded by the fact that I am at school far from home and my friends and I am really lonely here. I am a geek alone at this school even the computer science students here don't seem to be geeky enough. I can't stay up all night bullshitting about stupid shit with these people because no one realy wants to talk about what I am interested in. I am surrounded by business and criminal justice majors.