(idea) by jes04 Wed Jun 21 2000 at 20:47:23
Ok, I realize most Everythingians don't do these types of things, but I've been a sysadmin, or worked for tech support for a while now, and these are things that piss me off, in no particular order. I realize these may be repeated elsewhere, on humor pages and such, but these actually happened to me.

  • Lie. Seriously, people will do this, even when you can easily prove it, and when they know that you can. I have a lot more respect for someone that will say I fucked up than for someone who pussyfoots around and feigns moronity. Show some backbone, for crying out loud.
  • Rant. Seriously, I don't give a rat's ass how many other people you've talked to who don't have this problem, how much you're paying for $SERVICE, or what kind of problems you've had in the past. That does NOTHING WHATSOEVER to help me solve your immediate problem.
  • Do things to your computer, while they're on the phone with you, that they didn't tell you to. They're usually going through a mental checklist of things that could be wrong. If you could've done this by yourself, then why the fuck did you call in the first place?
  • Ask them very open-ended questions.
  • Call and ask 'Is the server down?' They love that.
  • When something doesn't work, randomly change configuration options until it does.
  • Claim to be knowledgable due to some bloated certification. Claim that you could fix the problem faster.
  • Use Windows ICS. Call your webhosting provider about problems that are obviously related to your internal network configuration. Tell them they should help you.
  • Allow people to install things on your personal machine that you have no idea how to use, then fire them. Repeat above step.
  • Email support and complain that you can't send mail.
  • Get annoyed and huffy when they assume you're a moron.
  • Relate to them how your company would handle a problem of this nature with one of it's clients.
  • Tell them exactly how your day is going Include amusing anecdotes.
  • Be as nonspecific as possible.

This is not a complete list, to be sure. As I think of more, I'll add them. Feel free to add your own.
I like it! 1 C!