Grace L Summerville is a character of mine that no one has read about
for a variety of reasons. On my way to work, in the middle of the day
when I'm talking to people I wish didn't exist I think about people I've
created. Most of them have a base in real life however Grace was a gift
in that she came to me on her own. A nice mixture of her father and
mother, Grace; born early, born strong, grows up to be an attractive
young woman but because she is shy she comes off as cold. Both of her
parents were shy as children, Grace was a name they agreed on although
they debated about what her middle name should be until the day she was
born.
Today I was lying in bed thinking about the rest of my day. I felt
like crap, having organisms in my body that I have no idea how to
control takes me to a new level of exhaustion that I can't really
explain. Imagine being more tired than you have ever been, to the point
where you might fall asleep against your will only you aren't sick in a
way that people can see. At some point in time my youngest daughter came
into my room wearing some clothes my sister sent. I never think of my
children as beautiful even though they are lovely to me. I love them
because I am their mother, not because they are particularly good
looking.
When my daughter leaned over her hair swung forward, the ends were
still damp, slightly curled from a recent shower. Her eyes are an
unusual color, they change depending on what she is wearing next to her
face and for a brief moment I almost did not recognize the child I gave
birth to. Tonight we were at my mother's house, my sister has a new
baby, both of my nieces were there, of my mother's grandchildren only my
oldest daughter was absent. When we were shopping for snowpants, she
needs a new ski helmet so she had that on and she tried on a jacket that
matched her snowpants, she isn't the athlete her little sister is but
the outfit was her, she was adorable and I told her so.
My oldest daughter is a bright girl. Her teacher told us that after
we heard that she doesn't hand her homework in on time. When I was her age I was afraid not to do
my homework. My aunt married a math teacher, she's in her fifties and it
was bittersweet to hear how she put her head in her desk and cried
before second grade math class. My oldest can do the work but she is
easily distracted and bored by the repititon. Fourth grade prepares
children for fifth grade, tonight my brother told my daughter that he
hated homework, it was a life assignment and I worry about him more than
I worry about the rest of us girls who missed out on his charisma because he has the talents and is unsure how to
properly channel them.
We left the store without snowpants for next year, they are on sale
now however I can't reward my daughter if she still hasn't turned in an
assignment that was due Friday. Today I left my wallet in the car when
we went inside although there were several things I
wanted to get. Tomorrow we had planned on going skiing, my family
enjoys it, I love being outside with them and my youngest daughter is a
natural. Speed is the most important thing to my oldest, my youngest
takes her time going back and forth, making the experience last for as
long as she can. Grace Summerville has a little sister who likes to ski
and snowboard. Her name is Liesl, she's very outgoing but she has her
own special set of challenges.
Maybe I can't write about my children the way I would like to,
unconsciously, I create people who can help me resolve conflicts I am
going through because raising children is difficult and writing about
them more so. Watching my children grow is one of the hardest things I
have to deal with which is why I almost never write about it. Before we
left for my mother's we made four different kinds of soup, the girls
played outside while I did some of the dishes. Tonight we came home and
my oldest daughter hung out with me in the kitchen while my youngest
brushed her teeth. I worry about my girls and the types of relationships
they will have with members of the opposite sex. I can see their
personalities bringing them each different types of problems. I want to
shield them from hurt knowing that they will only learn from their own
mistakes.
A long time ago something happened. I would rather not get into the
specifics which probably makes it seem like a larger issue than it
really was. Today I would
like to think that progress has been made on that front. Tomorrow is the big game, we are probably one of the few Wisconsin families not
interested in the outcome. While I want Green Bay to win I think that
people put too much emphasis on sporting events. They could retort that I
place emphasis on things they don't care about which is their point of
view and therefore valid to them. There are so many things I wish I
could write about, maybe some day I will be able to write without
restrictions, then I can stop worrying about what another person might be thinking and
start the long slow healing process. Until next time, farewell.