Today I am super anxious, nervous, and scared because I will be working by myself for a couple of hours until the next person arrives. I don't feel ready for this and am envisioning all sorts of dreadful calamaties, and positive that even those can be made worse. I know that I will be fine, but I'm having trouble internalizing that. I'm worried about my youngest, this morning she said she is tired all the time. Last night when I came home she was sleeping. She slept for hours, ate some popcorn, and then went back to bed. I'm not doing the things that I can be doing for myself and my children, and that worries me too. I didn't get enough sleep so I am stumbling around a bit this morning. My whole life feels chaotic and unstable, as if there are many things flying around in a tornado, and they are swooping in closer, or I can see them swirling around me and I am unable to control even the tiny parts of my life that one expects an adult of my age to handle.
On the other hand, things could go exceedingly well today. I might get great sales, meet interesting new people, my daughter might decide that her health needs to be a higher priority, and start taking better care of myself. My ankle pain might recede, or even go away entirely. I have new brakes on my car, and my new job is so much better than my previous one that has completed the insurance paperwork I asked them to fill out so I can try and get my insurance back. I found some other condos that I like, and maybe I need to humble myself and ask for more help, because I feel like I could really use it. I'm still lonely and disappointed with the dating websites, Bumble is really no different than Tinder, although there seem to be fewer people interested primarily in sex, although I have already run into two couples who are interested in meeting someone, and it's not just for that. Okay people, whatever. Anyways, off to work, I am optimistic and positive. Might as well be, right?
Xoxo,
J