Mind you... there are contradictions. While I'm not attempting to denigrate
religion or
religious people in any way, here are a few of my favourites:
The Nativity Story: We celebrate the birth of Christ on 25 December. The Shepherds were out watching their sheep. They only let the sheep out of the pen in March, because the sheep would crush the new-born lambs in the cramped conditions.
Actual explanation for this one: It's generally accepted that the date for Christmas was arbitrarily selected to coincide with certain already existing pagan festivals, including the Roman Saturnalia, held on 25 Dec.
NB: novalis advised me to get rid of this section, and I will do, eventually.
The Gadarene Swine: Apparently, Jesus sent a bunch of demons in to a herd of pigs and then made them all jump off a cliff. The Hebrew farmers got annoyed at this, because the pigs were expensive... and who wouldn't? Except that Hebrews don't eat pork, and pigs don't make great pets.
Actual explanation for this one: No one has ever managed to explain this to me, and I've asked religious people, religious fanatics, priests and all sorts of people who ought to know.
Ragnar! points out that "Christ sent the demons into the pigs as a rebuke to the farmers who weren't supposed to be raising them". That's a pretty good explanation, I suppose. But I gather that even now Jewish farmers will raise pigs... the lesson was insufficiently learned, then.
Christ's DOB: The monk Diogenes, who estimated the year of Christ's birth from which the Christian calendar is devised, got it wrong. Not only was there no provision for a Year Zero (there being no concept of zero when Diogenes did his stuff), but he got it about seven years too late. (Opinions differ between three, four and seven.) So Christ was actually born in 7BC, and BC stands for Before Christ.
Apparently Jesus did a lot of travelling around, spreading the Word and what have you... I'd love to have seen him get a passport. Imagine the tiresomely beaurocratic official person sighing. "So, Mr Christ," tapping the form weightily with the end of a pencil, "you claim to be the C in BC, and yet here you claim to have been born seven years before yourself. Do you really expect us to believe that, Mr Christ? Oh, and another thing, this passport photo's a little overexposed, isn't it?..."
Update: In the wake of severe flamage for my contribution to this node, I'd like to stress that I don't have a problem with Christians, it's Biblical Literalism I can't stand. I mean, some of my best friends are Christians, but that doesn't mean I agree with them.
Imagine how boring it would be if we were all the same. Chill out, everyone, okay?
Further update: In the wake of flamage over I don't have a problem with Christians, it's Biblical Literalism I can't stand, I'd like to point out that I probably didn't mean Biblical Literalism. I just can't stand fundies.
The point I was trying (poorly, I admit) to make here was this: the Bible is not the be-all and end-all. It is flawed. It has its good points, and it even has true stuff, but it is not the Ultimate Word Of God. Okay?
Feel free to flame me some more.