Wow, so, these last few weeks, or months, or whathaveya, have been weird. Not frantic, exactly, but hectic, and it's all run together. I haven't been able to center my thoughts long enough to write or think or even coherently speak about all of it. Work's a mess, like it usually is. Inspections, training, PT, long hours, short hours that unexpectedly turn long, four-section duty, the usual kitty-cat dance. Could be worse, but it could also be a hell of a lot better.
On the personal front, I'm starting to get some of my issues sorted out. Insomnia has suddenly and unexpectedly become a pain in my arse. I have no idea why. This has never been an issue before, and it sucks. Beyond that, though, I'm finally talking to a psychiatrist, trying to get my issues with ADHD and AS and depression/dysthymia under control - haven't touched the gender stuff yet, not sure I will as long as I'm dealing with a military doctor. So, they've got me on methylphenidate 20mg BID, which works for focus problems. It worked before, so this doesn't surprise me - but it doesn't really mitigate my tendency to withdraw behind my AT field, and doesn't do much about the lingering sense of worthlessness that I just can't quite talk myself out of. I go back in a few weeks, doc says he'll be looking at adding piracetam or bupropion in addition to (at first) or perhaps instead of the Ritalin. Of course there'll be therapy/counseling along with that. Hopefully between the two, I can get myself unstuck and out of this rut. It's not debilitating, precisely, but I feel, well, underclocked, I guess. Or like I'm swapping. Just plain not at full speed.
On top of that, I'm finally getting to the bottom of what's wrong with my knees and other joints. I've begun to suspect that it might be Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Type 3 (AKA Joint Hypermobility Syndrome), and the doctor tentatively agrees, so, there will be more investigation to follow on that one. I hope I'm wrong - from all I've read EDS is a first-class pain in the arse - but if it's not that, maybe I'll at least find out what it is. Twelve years it's been bothering me, and there have been little signs, like my knees doing something odd when I squat down, for longer than that. (Odd how, I'm not sure - it feels like the joint is becoming misaligned (subluxated, maybe?), but it clears up quickly once I force my knee back straight again. This is baffling to me.)
But anyway, back to work. We shall see what comes of all this. Yay.