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<M_Turner> "What's up?" <me> "Nothing. I think I am going to daylog. If you want to read that." Is it true that there is a point in your life were it hits you "Nothing really really really matters"? I suppose I belong to the school of those who would say that.

I did it tonight. it had been three months… or so. I donno, I don’t feel bad, in fact I almost feel good, I feel so much freer: i.e. crying makes the world not seem so bad.

What is the problem you might ask? Not really anything, nothing really matters. I suppose there aren't enough hours in the day for me to do everything I need/want to do. Perhaps I do the things I want to do before the things I need to do, but that is because I know that there will not be enough time in the day for everything. I cannot do it all, I don’t go to bed in time enough as it is… pay it forward too many nights in a row; where does it get me? Farther and farther behind, that is where.

I donno. I don’t care if I finish everything in a day that I need to. I told myself I need to start carrying a notebook with all the things that I need to finish, all the things I promised someone I would do. I will get my act together… sounds like a New Years resolution.. or a pie crust promise; yeah you know, "Easily made, easily broken".

I slack off, I don't have enough energy to fight the world, and not enough to keep up. So, I don’t try either. I sit where I am, and do what little I can, and then I do what's next. The under tow of the world pulls me in its wake, but not fast enough to keep up. *sigh* I don't try anymore. When I say I will do it, relax, I will get to it eventually.

I am leaving for Florida with the student senate I am a part of… I leave Thursday actually; I am there till Monday. I was excited, but I haven't heard back from my friend, I don’t know if he is coming up or not… and well… nothing really matters.

OK enough woe me. I am fine… just very very numb.