user since
Sat Sep 13 2003 at 12:24:48 (19 years ago )
last seen
Sat Oct 24 2009 at 21:24:29 (12.9 years ago )
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28 - View razor's writeups (feed)
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2 (Acolyte) / 373
mission drive within everything
Dunno Yet (update pending)
The Legal Justifications For Beating The Shit Out Of People!
ME Myself and Everything
Specialisation is for ants!
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Joey's Night Out
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trembling says re: A trip to Zimbabwe : fucking awesome. quite a few grammar errors, and some of your sentences don't scan so good, but overall...I DIG IT. best story ever. will upvote tomorrow. (Yeah sure you will, and thats the way i liiiike itttt.)

mr100percent says re Opening statement: nicely written (Thanks. I presume

honour roll

  1. 9.80769
  2. 9.370357

I hate the fucking honor roll. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I prefer to use grammar that is not quite correct, usually for the purposes of emotive emoting

what follows is a really shitty story... ah well

Davie goes to a nightclub and ends up having a few too many drinks. No. Really, he was destroyed by alcohol. As drunk as a bastard.

He ends up getting drunken munchies and goes off to look for some fast food. Not being familiar with the area, he is not sure where to eat until he sees a tiny little Chinese restaurant. Being the ultimate hardcore kung fu movie fan, he knows it is a Chinese restaurant because he sees a couple of Chinese people walking around inside, and a white table with a couple of plastic chairs around it is inside. Its also inconspicuously empty.

So anyway, in he goes, sits down and asks for the menu. The person he asks doesn’t really seem to know what he's talking about, but he just assumes there is a bit of a language barrier, and since he's pretty much in the heart of a Chinese community, this doesn’t seem too unusual.

That is when he notices that there seems to be some kind of party going on upstairs. Being unbelievably drunk and destroyed (inebriated), he assumes that there is some kind of dodgy triad activity going on here, and gets rather freaked out. The tequila starts to take its toll.

The waitress still doesn’t know what the hell he's talking about (IRO the menu) so he starts saying:
"Sweet and sour pork...Sweet and sour pork."
repeatedly to her, and pointing at his mouth. She eventually seems to get the message, and goes into the back. A couple of party goers from upstairs come in and give him strange looks...

The waitress comes back and brings him some kind of Chinese food he has never seen before. He says

She says "YOU EAT! YOU EAT!" (smiling all the while).

He eats it, and she keeps coming back and offering him other things: Tea, more rice, some other food, noodles, and eventually a big piece of cake.
He's a bit paranoid because of the dodgy triad party going on upstairs, so he nervously eats more and more, and eventually asks for the bill. Obviously, the waitress does not know what he is saying. So he shows her some cash. Immediately she says "No. No... No Charge…" and gives him a couple of warm slaps on the back as if he is an old friend.

He goes home and sleeps it off.

The next weekend he goes back to the nightclub. He goes back to his car later that evening, and couple of doors down is a little Laundromat, with a small white table and a couple of plastic chairs in it, run by a Chinese couple.

In fact, unless someone msgs me and tells me that they like this story within 7 days of today (25/01/07) i am going to delete this entire home node and start all over...




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