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I have been considering going back to counseling.

It's been a bad week. Not just in the normal-life, hurried/busy/hectic pace of life that exhausts me (although that, too). Not even just the school-blahs that I get in the fall semester of every year.

Last weekend, I got manic, in a way that I don't usually have happen. I haphazardly spent over $135 dollars in a few hours, without balancing my checkbook (which for someone as obsessive as I am, is pretty strange). I then failed to blanace my checkbook all week. Still manic, although that was partially because I needed to be (week of tests and stress for me).

I finally checked with my bank on Thursday. Overdrawn.

Fuck.

I hate doing this. I hate causing my own problems, then getting angry at myself because I seem to cause the very things that annoy me the most (like paying my bank overdraft fees for checks that they SEND BACK to the stores).

I'm going to be broke for the first half of this month paying off this little spending spree.

Manic episodes don't usually affect my life as much as the depressive ones, though. Case in point: I didn't get out of bed today for seven hours.

I think I need to go back to counseling. I even took a mood analysis test that shrinks use to gauge your depressive tendancies over a period of time. The target score is 5 and if you're over 17 on a regular basis, you need counseling. I've been between a 36 and 44 for the last week.

I just get really, really scared that, if I choose the wrong doctor, they'll try to make me go on lithium. I'm pretty sure that Washington is an involuntary admission to psychiatric hospitals state, too.

I hate this.