I start a new job on the 4th. I'm back in the data again. A corporate environment, with a corporate cubicle in a corporate office building and corporate coffee and corporate coworkers.
It is nearly identical to the last job. I don't "deserve" to have this job either. Still no degree, still no certification. But at least I deserve it more than the last job, and I interview well, and I know what I'm talking about enough. Theoretically I know how to do what I do, since I have all of that experience under my belt. Take the data, torture the data, maim it into a shape I like, and into the schema it goes. I've done it thousands of times.
But I'm not sure that this new company hasn't made a mistake by hiring me. My self confidence is shot. Even during the interview, my internal monologue was about if I was doing a good job of bamboozling them. It's all a big bluff in my head, and I worry now that they are going to find out that I suck. And the best I can do is drag it out long enough that I can get some money before they can my lame ass.
That last data job destroyed me. It made me work until I wasn't able to think clearly anymore. It made me wake up every hour on the hour every Monday night for three years. It was torture. They burned me every possible way they could think to do, and then got rid of me when I didn't function anymore. That sucked, and that was really unfair, and I am still a bit of a mess because of it. I'm going to need a lot more time in order to rebuild that sense of self confidence.
But I guess the best way to do that is to climb back on the data horse. Go back to being a cowboy and do cowboy shit, and hopefully it'll come back. Fake it until I make it.
Fingers crossed.