30 April 2011

Zombie Threat Summary

CONPLAN 8888 was designed to address the following types of zombie threats:

Pathogenic Zombies (PZ):

PZ's are zombie life forms created after an organism is infected by a virus or bacteria or some other form of contagion.

Radiation Zombies (RZ):

RZ's are zombie life forms created after an organism is infected by an extreme dosage of electromagnetic and/or particle radiation.

Evil Magic Zombies (EMZ):

EMZ's are zombie life forms created via some form of occult experimentation in what might otherwise be referred to as "evil magic."

Space Zombies (SZ):

1. SZ's are zombie life forms originating from space or created by toxic contamination of the earth environment via some form of extra-terrestrial toxin or radiation.


2. "Zombie satellites" can be classified as SZ's, however they pose no danger to humans (unless they conduct an unplanned de-orbit). Typically, zombie satellites only pose a threat the SATCOM services like DirectTV (Refer to Galaxy 15 incident of May, 2010).

Weaponized Zombies (WZ):

1. WZ's are zombie life forms deliberately created via bio/bio-mechanical engineering for the purpose of being employed as weapons. Zombie weaponization programs and supporting infrastructures are included in COAs to deal with these threats.


2. The movie "The Crazies" exemplifies the most common type of WZ (humans turned into zombies via exposure to toxic chemicals/gasses).

Symbiont-Induced Zombies (SIZ):

SIZ's are zombie life forms originating from the introduction of a symbiont life form into an otherwise healthy host. Although the symptoms of symbiont zombieism are similar in most regards to pathogenic zombieism, the symbiont does not kill the host organism quickly, or at all. However, there is no known way to save an organism after zombieism has occurred - even if the symbiont is removed.

Vegetarian Zombies (VZ):

1. VZ's are zombie life forms originating from any cause but pose no direct threat to humans because they only eat plant life (as indicated in the popular game "Plants Vs. Zombies"). Although VZ's do not attack humans or other animal life, they will consume all plant life in front of them. They can cause massive de-forestation or elimination of basic food crops essential to humans (rice, corn, soybeans).


2. Of note, where normal carnivorous zombies commonly groan the word "brains" semi-comprehensibly, VZ's can be identified by their aversion to humans, affinity for plants, and their tendency to semi-comprehensibly groan the word "grains".

Chicken Zombies (CZ):

1. Although it sounds ridiculous, this is the only publicly proven class of zombie to actually exist.


2. CZ's were first documented in Jonathan M. Forrester's 4 Dec 2006 online article "Zombie Chickens Taking Over California".


3. CZ's occur when old hens that can no longer lay eggs are incorrectly euthanized by poultry farmers using carbon monoxide. The hens are then deposited in large piles to decompose. The hens appear to be dead when buried, but inexplicably come back to life and dig themselves out from the piles of dead chickens. After reaching the surface, CZ's stagger about for a period of time before ultimately expiring due to internal organ failure.


4. CZ's are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians in protest to animal cruelty. They appear to be no direct threat to humans. They are different from WZ's because they are the result of actions taken to kill a living organism versus actions taken to deliberately re-animate dead organisms or impair life functions to a minimal function.

Excerpted & edited from:
Counter-Zombie Dominance
https://www.stratcom.mil/Portals/8/Documents/FOIA/CONPLAN_8888-11.pdf
for submission to
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