Ozempic, along with its sister drugs / rebrands Mounjaro and Wegovy, and its generic name semaglutide, patented by Novo Nordisk, was originally a drug used for the treatment of Type 1 diabetes but in recent years has been pushed as the all singing, all dancing cure for the obesity epidemic. In 2023-4 it has found itself being pushed by influencers as that one way to no longer be obese. It became extremely popular; some of its manufacturers have been working flat out to make it because there was such a demand for it.

How it works is beyond me. I'm not a biochemist, but it seems to work on the GLP-1 receptor which though a series of events I am not quite sure I get, results in a reduced appetite and a reduction of the ability to break down and store carbohydrates in the body. I think. It seems from my understanding to emulate the release of the hormones or neurotransmitters that would normally be released by eating, so you both don't feel hungry and also slows down your digestive transit. I'm sure I'm totally wrong and oversimplifying it, but like I said, I'm a lawyer not a biochemist. I'm not here to cover that aspect of it because I just can't. It also acts on insulin-producing cells which is where its utility in managing the beetus comes from.

Basically, it's cemented its place in the public discourse as the fat jab. To the point at which people are paying over the odds for a course of it so they can shift their excess lard, and whenever any celebrity appears substantially thinner than they used to be a number of weeks beforehand, everyone is all "they must be on Ozempic!" As if there is no other way to debigulate yourself. But that's the terminally online for you. There's also claims that it has a side effect of so-called "Ozempic Face" where peoples' faces look all baggy and loose-skinned after shooting themselves up with it. This is probably nothing to do with Ozempic and everything to do with the fact that being lardsome stretches your skin and when you lose all that flab it doesn't snap back immediately like a rubber band, but according to some people it's a dead giveaway.

However. As someone who is on what people today call a "weight loss journey" myself (and annoyingly stalled at 119kg from over 150kg), it isn't something I've wanted to use. You see, I'm not convinced that Ozempic is the shortcut to no longer being obese that its boosters claim it is. And the reason I think this is because it doesn't address the underlying issues that cause an obese person to stuff their face with ultra-processed foods. People who take it who I have asked about it say that it reduces what they describe as the "food noise" that they live with most of the time. By this I know exactly what they mean. It's the little voice at the back of your head saying, "ooohh, how about a Mars bar? Or a packet of crisps? Or, oh look, it's Diana from probate's birthday today, and you know she always brings in a Flake Celebration Cake and a big bag of raspberry jam donuts that you think are the bestest top drawerest donuts in the world? Go on. Trot over there and grab one. What's the worst that could happen? Well? What? How about now? How about now?" And then I normally have to tell it to bugger off forever because I know that if I munch on something during the three in the afternoon slump, especially something sugary, I'll chain a whole bag of it. And because ultra-processed beige calories do be like that, I'll not feel full at all, but I'll not be able to fit in my dinner that evening (which will be tasty and high in protein and usually involving chicken or prawns or steak) and still be under 2,000 calories per diem, I'll end up going to bed hungry. Or just blowing through the calorie limits, AGAIN. I think I can see its utility. But I repeat, this doesn't address the reasons why you have the food noise in the first place. Your relationship with food will still be of the insert-into-face-hole-at-all-costs variety. You will probably debigulate while on the Ozempic, but when you come back off it, you will suddenly revert to your former troughing ways. You will have not learnt to put down the fork.

You know those nicotine patches that they sell to people trying to quit smoking? Ozempic is a bit like that. They won't stop you smoking overnight, but they will reduce your craving for a cancer stick. But they have on the side of their boxes, "requires willpower." Putting down the fork and stopping filling yourself with junk food also requires that. They should put a similar disclaimer, in my view, on Ozempic syringes.

There's also something about Ozempic that I suspect we are not being told. It has only been on the market for obesity treatment for a short period of time. Unlike nicotine patches, which provide a controlled release of nicotine into your body without the millions of carcinogens and carbon monoxide that smoking actual cigarettes provides you, thus satisfying your cravings by allowing you to wean yourself off in a controlled manner, and therefore which mimic the addictive portion of smoking, Ozempic... doesn't work like that. It works, it seems, based on my admittedly iffy understanding of its mechanism, by fiddly-fucking with how your body works internally. We don't know what the long term side effects of taking Ozempic for lengthy periods of time are. I believe that the recommended maximum time to stay on it for weight loss is two years. And even then, people who come off it still say they have to remain ultra vigilant not to go back to their previous Bad Ways. There's also some evidence from my quick and dirty digging that long term use of it can be associated with gastric problems and intestinal blockage (which makes sense; it tells your brain you're full so your digestive transit slows right down).

And yet celebrities, influencers, and people who don't want to put in the hard work of counting calories and moving around more and not filling themselves up with ultra-processed gack (which I admit is very hard because ultra-processed gack is designed from the ground up to make you want more of it) will swear by Ozempic as a short cut to looking good.

I fear they are deluding themselves.

This is not me saying that you should not take Ozempic. I just think that if you want to dump a load of flab quickly, yes, it is a way of doing this, but it's no different really to a crash diet. And we've known for a long while that those don't work long term. I think people need to be realistic and think of it more as a nicotine patch equivalent. It won't stop you munching your way to being on your second heart attack by 50, but it can give you the "breathing room" to actually address what is driving you to overeat.

(IN24/30)