Maintained By: Everyone

You find yourself lost on a desolate expanse of the nodegel. You had feared that you had taken a wrong turn off the Alesbury Pike and your anxiety deepened as your GPS lost your position. That was at least twenty miles ago.

Now you do not even recognize the landscape as that of New England. As your odometer clicks by the trees shrink from the side of the road and the vegetation grows dry and scrubby. Farms disappear and the few structures in the distance seem tumbledown and deserted.

Finally, up ahead you see what appears to be a small diner. Hope fills your chest and turns into relief as you turn into the gravel drive and find several autos in the parking lot. It is indeed what seems to be a functioning, vintage, chrome-sided diner with red trim and a neon sign that reads,

                    Welcome to The Everything Diner

        Eclectic, Unconventional, and Unorthodox Cuisine

A few patrons within are seated on stools at the counter and several more in small booths behind the green tinted glass windows. You park and step out of your vehicle and walk up to the door which reads, "Open 24/7." A yellowed note taped below that says, "Do NOT feed Hostess products to the hamsters." Curious. You open the door and walk in.

You had only hoped to use the restroom and to ask directions back to the main highway, but before you are able to make your inquiry you find that the patrons of the establishment are amusedly absorbed in what appears to be an increasingly heated discussion between the two chefs behind the counter.

From what you can surmise, the first chef appears flummoxed and offended by something which has recently transpired. You grasp that she is attempting to defend and uphold the integrity of the proper traditional preparation of some favorite regional cuisine.

The second chef, gesturing wildly and yelling in a broken French accent, argues that cuisine is only defined by the whims of its creator. Or that is what you are able to gather between 'avocados', 'watermelons' and'crabcakes.'

As the argument escalates, skillets, chef's knifes and raspberries start to fly about the kitchen. You decide that it may just be best to quietly leave. But as you turn back for and open the door, you are momentarily distracted that a My Little Pony figure prominently displayed above the stove?  

The door suddenly slams shut, yanking the handle from your hand. A plate of deep fried crunchy seafood-smelling things is shoved right under your nose,

"OH, my God! Yoohavegotta TRY oneuvthese THINGS! They are SO good, I just figgureditout!"

You are instantly repulsed by the 30-ish man who, you conclude must be the bus boy, who has thrust these, these, you have no idea what these things are, into your face.

          "NO! Uh, no thank you. I just need to know how to get back to the main highway."

The bus boy abruptly cuts you off with a hearty smack on the back and then corals you with his arm around your shoulder into the nearest vacant booth,

"Nonsense! Nonsense! You must be famished, just look at you! We cannot have you leaving here to go off out THERE, into the GREAT UNKNOWN, on an empty stomach! You look THIS over and I'll go get you...what? Coffee? Beer? Both?"

Despairing a bit, you realize that you might as well order something and you look down at the menu that has just been thrust into your hands:                                         

                              TODAY'S SPECIALS!

1 Deep-Fried Crabcakes and Fingerling Potatoes (recipe) Stuart writeup
2 A Man's Salad (thing) IWhoSawTheFace writeup
3 Potato Breakfast Pattie (thing) drownzsurf writeup
4 marinara sauce (thing) iceowl writeup
5 County Jail beef and cheddar soup (thing) Telemonk writeup
6 June Peasant's Stew (recipe) Stuart writeup
7 Stewed dog (thing) ReiToei writeup
8 Flipper Pie (thing) Jembeth writeup
9 Roasting and eating a goose alive (thing) Magenta writeup
10 Carpetbag Steak (thing) Michael Henry F writeup
11 Traditional Bedouin Wedding Feast (thing) memoria writeup
12 Fried Cheesecake (thing) LaggedyAnne writeup
13 Whole roast human (Long pig) (thing) rikek writeup
14 Polish Apple Pie (thing) Discordian writeup
15 A really good sandwich that ideath could make to take to work with her   e2node
16 Spaghetti a la District 9   e2node
17 Vegetarian Stew (idea) iain writeup
18 Country-Style Groundhog (recipe) moeyz writeup
19 Autumn Peasant's Stew (recipe) Stuart writeup
20 The Major's Modular Mac 'N' Cheese (recipe) Major General Panic writeup
21 Grahambled Eggs (recipe) Estelore writeup
22 Smalahove (thing) ugle writeup
23 Chicken Ninja Masala (recipe) Hazelnut writeup
24 fish taco   e2node
25 Butternut Squash Soup (recipe) Stuart writeup
26 Body of Christ with caramel spread (thing) imago writeup
27 Jessicapierce's Gaspingly Good Brownies   e2node
28 Peanut Butter Pasta with Peas (recipe) JadziaDax writeup
29 Broccoli Soup (fiction) Stuart writeup
30 Ortolan   e2node
31 The Duc De L'Omelette   e2node
32 baked polenta with balsamic sauce   e2node
33 futari   e2node
34 chicken feet (thing) jessicaj writeup
35 Shrimp and Grits (recipe) Stuart writeup
36 Horse Madras (recipe) Hazelnut writeup
37 cheeseburger without cheese (recipe) borgo writeup
38 Zoomcakes (thing) BookReader writeup
39 Vegetarian meals that are brown gack (recipe) Stuart writeup
40 High protein blueberry pancakes for Sunday mornings (recipe) moeyz writeup
41 Fricassee of Reptile (recipe) Stuart writeup
42 Livermush (recipe) Venkman writeup
43 Potatoes and Spinach with Fried Eggs (thing) realplayer writeup
44 Soup, of the green variety (recipe) BookReader writeup
45 no toast (idea) telekon writeup
46 Malt vinegar (poetry) weroland writeup
47 Mayonnaise and crackers (idea) Zucha writeup
48 The Haunted Pie (idea) jessicapierce writeup
49 Smoked Ox Tongue (thing) DMan writeup
50 sandwiches   e2node

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