12 Good Ways To Ruin A Club
  1. Don't go to meetings.
  2. But if you do go - Go late.
  3. Never accept an office, it is easier to criticise than to actually do anything.
  4. If asked by the chairman to give your opinion about something important say you have no comment.
  5. After the meeting however, buy a beer and tell everyone how things should be done.
  6. Hold back your membership money as long as possible or better still don't pay at all.
  7. If you agree with everything at the meeting, make sure you disagree with it afterwards in the pub.
  8. When everything else fails abuse the office holders, especially any female on the committee.
  9. Don't bother getting new members let the secretary do it.
  10. Talk co-operation for the fellow with you but never co-operate with him.
  11. Don't tell the club how it can help you but if it doesn’t help you tell everyone its useless.
  12. Do Nothing more than necessary but when other members roll up their sleeves and willingly and selflessly give of their time to keep the club going, complain that the club is being run by a clique.
  1. Put mayonnaise on it. Eww.
  2. Drop it on the floor.
  3. Pick it up from the floor.
  4. Put nothing in it.
  5. Put nothing but mayonnaise in it.
  6. Use too much salami.
  7. Especially very flavorful salami.
  8. Or bologna. Too much of that is bad, as well.
  9. Forget to put toothpicks through it so that it falls apart when picked up.
  10. Hit it with some sort of hard, blunt object.
  11. Vinegar
  12. Twirl it around above your head on a string, then throw it 15 feet in the air.
  1. Cut through the steering wheel. Remove The Club and throw it in a river.
  2. When being attacked by a dinosaur, wait until it is about to bite you and shove The Club into its mouth vertically, to keep the jaw open. Wait until the dinasaur bites down hard, which will snap the club in two.
  3. Give The Club to an LA or NYC policeman, who will return it covered with blood.
  4. Give The Club to Superman, who is always showing off his strength and will immediately bend it in half.
  5. Pretend you are one of the Three Musketeers and use The Club as a fencing foil. Run about the house all willy-nilly breaking things. Keep this up until your mother takes it away from you and throws it out.
  6. Lend it to a Denmark sex show. When it comes back, you won't want it anymore.
  7. Install The Club as a lightning rod and wait for a storm.
  8. Let a sumo wrestler borrow The Club for pole vaulting.
  9. Use The Club for a walking stick. Walk next to the Grand Canyon.
  10. Have George W. Bush nominate The Club for a cabinet position and let the Senate ruin it.
  11. Take copious amounts of drugs. The Club won't be ruined, but you won't really care.

    And finally...

  12. Install The Club in your vehicle and park it somewhere safe. When you return, The Club (and your vehicle) will most likely be gone.

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