“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Michelle whirled around searching for something to throw at Brad. She wanted to hit him too. “What did your advisor say?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him yet.”
“Brad you can’t just drop out of school right in the middle of it.”
“Your parents are going to be furious with you.” Impatiently Brad rolled his eyes. “What else is new? I’m not living my life for them. I never wanted to be a dentist in the first place.”
“But, but you love school. You’re always talking about school.” High color ran over her face. God damn him. How in the hell could he be sitting there as if they were discussing where to eat that evening? “I like school some of the time. I almost wish I could be a pharmacist like you're going to be.” Michelle knew that now was not the time to start complaining about her classes but if he had to take half the classes she did… She sighed again. There had to be some way to get through to him. “You’re almost done honey. You’re halfway there already.”
“I haven’t even started. I still have to figure out what I need to do in terms of classes to become an accountant.”
“You have more school under your belt than half the accountants out there.”
“It’s a different kind of school though. Most accountants don’t get paid to count teeth Michelle.”
“What about people’s teeth? Don’t you care about them anymore?”
“Of course I care about other people’s teeth. I care that you’re staining yours and destroying your enamel. You already have a decalcified spot and if you don’t stop smoking I’m not going to kiss you. You taste like shit.” Jesus fucking Christ Michelle thought. What next? “You sure as hell wanted it a minute or two ago. That’s a good tactic, get me all worked up in Door County so you can drop a bomb like that on me. No wonder you couldn’t get off.”
Brad took a deep breath and stared out the window. She was the one who had flashed her black bra at him. She knew that got him going. “It doesn’t always work Michelle. Real life is not a romance novel where people have non-stop wall banging sex.”
“In real life people have orgasms.” She gave him a pouty insolent look. “Doesn’t that hurt?” Yes you idiot Michelle. Of course it hurts. Don’t be so fucking stupid. “You could say that.”
“What is wrong with you Brad?” He reached up to tease her nipple. “I’m not my brother I guess.”
“You could be more like him if you’d ever relax. Stop being so uptight all the time. God, you can’t even go on a fucking vacation without somehow fucking it up.” Her hazel eyes narrowed as she looked down at him. He was lying on the bed and if his hands and mouth wouldn’t have been all over her minutes ago she would have thought he had just gotten back from a test that hadn’t gone well. But for Brad tests always went well. It wasn’t fair. She worked her ass off in school and here he was dropping out halfway through. Did he think she didn’t think about dropping out?
If Brad was aware that he was being studied it didn’t show on his face. His eyes were curiously blank. His body was motionless and Michelle had no way of knowing where his thoughts had traveled. In his mind he was no longer in Door County. He was now back in college. A beautiful woman was in his bed. She was laughing and smiling down at him. Juice from her nectarine had fallen onto his chest and even as he watched Karen laugh tears had started falling from her eyes. Karen had been happy when she was high and being high with her had been one of the most enjoyable and memorable things about his former life.
An uncontrollable wave of hunger went through him. Rehab seemed like nothing more than a nauseous sweating nightmare of the past. It hadn’t been a real experience. Only Karen had been real. His relationship with her had been the most true and real thing he had ever experienced. He put his finger in his mouth and bit it. His stomach twisted as the craving grew. Michelle had no idea what her boyfriend was thinking about now. His brilliantly colored eyes had a faraway look in them but there was a smile on his face. She laid down next to him, he said something to her in French. His next sentence was in Spanish but the only language she knew was English. “How about a birthday blowjob?”
His lips twisted. Anything to distract him from thoughts of drugs and Karen. Michelle was still watching him. The hunger grew as she looked at his hands. She wanted them in her and on her. It was just like him to get her all worked up and stop right in the middle of things. His brother would never do that to anyone. Michelle was looking at Brad but she was thinking about the comment he had made. How could he and his brother be so different? No, they weren't different. They looked exactly the same but they had such different personalities. When Brent was around things were alive. He was energetic and fun. Fun. Apparently Brad didn't know the meaning of the word fun.
Brent was all fun and Brad was none. Michelle started thinking Brent, his girlfriends and the way he treated the women he was dating. First it had been that Chloe girl and now it was Sasha. Both women hung on him and the more Michelle thought about it, the more she realized that Brent was a dick. He wasn't nice to women. He told raunchy jokes. His friends made fun of women and said degrading things about them but there was something in his eyes when he looked at her. Something that said I can make a woman out of the girl inside. Michelle had seen the look before. Now she knew what it meant. She had been around when Brent was kissing his girlfriend and grabbing her ass like they were the only two people in the room. Now Michelle and Brad were alone but there was nothing special about it.
Brad was still staring at the wall. She wondered if he had even heard her question. If Brent was here she'd be on her hands and knees in front of him. It wouldn't take him a day and a half to come either. What would sex with Brent be like? Instinctively she knew it would be hard and hot. Not slow and disappointing. Tentatively she rubbed Brad's arm. His eyes were still remote and cold. She moved her hand lower. "I love you honey."
"I love you too Michelle." For all the emotion in his voice he might have been discussing how much rain they had had. Michelle kept her sigh to herself. Getting mad wasn't going to help anything. "I'll give you a blowjob if you want one."
What he wanted had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with drugs. Sex with Michelle was just fucking. There wasn't anything deep or spiritual about it. There was no communion. It was all ritual and no salvation. Just empty, meaningless body fluid exchanges. But it was nice when she was rubbing his arm like that. It felt like she might give a damn about him. Michelle let her hand wander as she kissed him. "I want you to feel better."
Why did she sound as if she was reading a script? The words were right but the delivery was all wrong. He laid flat on his back again. Might as well get this over with. Maybe he could give her money to go shopping. Then she'd leave him alone for a while. Her breasts were inches away from his face. He licked her left nipple and rolled his eyes when it didn't shrivel. What an awesome birthday present. An ice-cold girlfriend in an overly warm hotel room. He was going to ask for his money back as soon as he was done showering.
Dutifully Michelle rubbed herself against him. Her blood was warm but not for him. She imagined his brother shoving her against the bed. Now that would be fun. Unaware of the smile on her face she moved her body in time with her phantasmic lover. Seeing Michelle and feeling her hands on him gave Brad something to think about. She was here. He was getting hard and maybe sex would chill her out. Or warm her up. Chilling was the last thing Michelle needed. He needed more warmth from his partner. "Do you want a blowjob or not?"
Maybe he could pretend she was someone else. “If you really want to.”
“Are you going to have an orgasm this time?”
“Do you want me to?” Michelle took a deep breath. That was tricky. She hated the taste and texture of semen but it would be worth it if she could get him to relax. Reluctantly she bent her head down. His hand came up to play with her a loose strand of her hair. Come on Brad. Work with me here. Do you like this or not? This is hard work and my mouth is getting sore. You better take me someplace nice tonight. His hand slid behind her head. He rubbed strands of her hair together thinking that this was nice. Her mouth felt good. His hand ran down her back. Maybe she’d let him go back inside. That’s it Brad. Just a little lower. Oh yeah, right there. Her head moved against him when she felt his fingers teasing her. I’m wet and you’re hard. God you are hard. If you blow now it’s going to send me right over the edge. She moved against his hand.
His fingers were rubbing very lightly against her. Did she want this or not? It was so hard to tell with her. I’m waiting Michelle. Waiting for a sign or a signal. Michelle's mouth ached from all the work she was doing. How much longer could he possibly last? Just let it go already Brad. Michelle’s hand inched up his stomach. His muscles tensed involuntarily. He put his fingers further inside of her when she moaned. Michelle writhed against him. Her mouth had never been so sore but she was so close she almost couldn’t take it anymore. She chanced a glance at him. His eyes were shut and oh crap. Why hadn't he warned her that was coming? She pulled her mouth off of him and ran over to the sink.
Great. Now everything was all over the sheets. He wiped himself off with the sticky sheet and threw it across the room. The bathroom door slammed as Michelle went in there to pee. She fully expected Brad to be up and dressed but when she was done in the bathroom he was still laying there. “What are you doing?”
There was no answer from the man on the bed. He was lying on his stomach. Michelle couldn’t see his eyes or read his body language. His thoughts had already moved away from the recent sexual encounter. They were focused on something that was infinitely sweeter and more satisfying than sex. He liked getting laid but what he really wanted was something that took him away from the entire planet. Something that took all the hurt and the pain and all the incredible aching loneliness away. He smiled again before he closed his eyes. Right now was a time to dream about the things that made life worth living.