Finally brings to the big screen the conflict between the Aliens and the Predators (of Arnold Schwarzenegger fame), Alien versus Predator (or AVP) is the simple, barely sustaining summer schlock we've come to expect from Hollywood. Written and directed by Paul Anderson (of Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Event Horizon reknown), follows a plot that's so simple and so predictable that any enjoyment gained by watching Predators kill or Aliens eat is lost.

The movie stars Sanaa Lathan, who wishes she was Jada Pinkett Smith. A large number of small, B-movie actors you won't recognize populate the film, interspersed with extra-terrestrials in poorly choreographed fight scenes. The only actors you might recognize are Ewen Bremner, who played Mullet in Snatch, and Lance Henriksen, who's had a bit part in every movie since Steamboat Willie.

AVP has none of the thrilling excitement of the Predator movies and later Alien films, nor does it have any of the fear and suspense of the first Alien films. Instead, it has some weakened versions of the Aliens (Anderson seems incapable of exploring the possibilities of the species and its uses for terror) trying to battle hackneyed Predators. Even the Queen Alien feels like an oversized turtle.

The movie is set in a subarctic pyramid, but if you missed the first ten minutes, you might think that the movie was set in Vincenzo Natali's Cube - Anderson seems to think that if you make the walls move, then boring becomes scary. But he's wrong, boring remains very boring.

Anderson does include some interesting factoids on the relationship between the Aliens and the Predators, but anyone who really cares will probably be familiar with the videogames and the comic books, and as such will be watching something very remedial.

I mean, if it's this or Yu-Gi-Oh!, see this. But I'm sure Blockbuster or Netflix has something better.

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