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Dudes and little dudes, WHOA.

I do not know what is going on, but yesterday a guy came in here. He had two henchmen with him. Big dudes. They grabbed me and put me in the camp cooler. Then the guy used my computer like ALL DAY. Shit was CRAZY.

Don't know what he did, but after, he wrote me a $100,000 check and said, "We expect good work out of you. We need to get our circulation up. Show some skin in your writeups." I was like okay, dude, whatever, I need to take a shower, will you and your henchmen get out of my cabin, please?

I was outside a Panera once, making fun of the people who actually go in there and eat and drink that nonsense. I do that. Hate those people. Just like I hate vegans and nerds and people who go "Eww, I don't like my eggs too heavy." Shut the fuck up, bitch, and eat what is served to you. People need to start getting beat around here. I am sick of it. Have a fucking steak, asshole, and stop preaching shit. If you are given food of any kind, EAT IT and stop complaining. I don't care if it has human feces in it. EAT IT ASSHOLE or get the fuck out of America NOW.

Okay, I'm calm now. Just that I lost my computer and my phone for like a whole day. Plus, I am stuck in winter camp watching children freeze to death while I wait for that damn country doctor to come back with the cops. She wants to shut this place down. Says it isn't right for this many kids to freeze to death. I say, who gives a shit? Learn to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, people. This is America. If you are freezing to death and you whine, you deserve what is coming to you. No shittin' no quittin'.

Wow, I am having outbursts. This winter camp shit is upsetting. I swear. I am a nice person. Have me over for dinner. Let me babysit your kids. I'm not like rabid or anything, dude. I'm cool. And I'm sexy as fuck.

This isn't even the weird part. The dude with the henchman, he says, "You are now a part of the Behr Extended Universe." Then he puts his hands on my head and does some invocation shit, like those shitbirds at those stores that are so gross, and leaves. Now, the diameter of my head has increased by four inches and I have gained some musculature. I'm also able to move objects with my mind. This shit is weird as fuck.

I'll tinker with it. Talk to you later, nerds.

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