I feel better this week.
For the past six weeks, I've had trouble functioning. I only ate because it was expected of me, and I only got up before noon because I live with people who would notice if I didn't. When my folks went on a 12-day vacation, I let myself wallow. I didn't eat enough, and I slept too much. All I could think of was my ex-fiance and how crazy it was that he'd rather leave me than grow a pair and stand up to his family. I was angry at him and with myself.
I'm still angry. He still crosses my mind, but not as often. I usually wake up by 10 am, which is better than 3 or 4 pm. I'm probably still not eating enough, but I do manage to eat dinner every night. And I made the big step of interacting with other people (IRL!!) besides my family and close friends.
For the sake of human interaction, I've taken on a part-time job. I start on Monday. My two good friends who work at the company suggested it to me and then appealed to their boss on my behalf. I emailed the guy, went in for an interview, and got hired on the spot. And I must say, that was the most enjoyable interview I've ever had. I sat down with the three of them, and they offered me coffee. Boss guy asked me a few basic questions about me and asked me what hours I wanted. Never in my life has an employer asked me what hours I wanted and then just given them to me. I settled on 9-1, Mon-Fri (they're closed on weekends). I cracked a few jokes, they gave me a tour of the place, and I got to pet the company dog. It's good to know that I'm still capable of acting normal.
I figure that having a regular job will motivate me to work harder on my flagging writing career — the one I was doing just fine with until my depression reared up again. I'm trying to create a routine, have some sort of structure to my life. Instead of joining the gym, I'll bike into work (about 7 km round trip) and do some sort of bodyweight training at home. I've also started running with the help of the Zombie, Run! app. It's basically a fitness app that tracks my route with GPS and tells me when to run away from zombies. Someone from the triathlon club finally got back to me, but I've lost interest in it for now. I'll see how I feel about my new schedule before I sign up for anything.
What else is there to say . . . I have a new health card and driver's license with my new address on it. I changed my phone number to a local number. They let me upgrade my phone for free, which is pretty cool. My new Blackberry/Android phone is compatible with Android apps, unlike my previous Blackberry. I've been sending people funny emoticons and playing this shark game that lets you eat people. Yep. I have too much time on my hands at the moment.
I'm going to a nearby town this afternoon to browse the secondhand bookstore. My hometown sadly does not have one anymore. I'm hoping to find more Octavia Butler or Ursula K. Le Guin books for my collection. The weather is finally sunny enough that my windowsill seedlings might survive. I was worried that the damp, cloudless weather would cause them to go moldy. I bought a couple of new t-shirts, but I'm not buying anything else (with the exception of fitness clothes) until I'm closer to my fitness goal. Did I mention that my ex manipulated me into gaining weight? I suspected it the entire time we were together, and he denied it over and over again. Not until the very end did he admit to it. My god. People were right to tell me that I dodged a bullet.
It's warm outside, I've finished my coffee, and the bookstore is waiting for me. Hopefully I'll have more good news by the time I write my next log.