Tonight my boyfriend told me off for covering my belly in front of him.

I dislike my belly.

I'm fat.

I'm not gross, but I'm not slim, and taut, and supple either.

I dislike the way my flesh bulges over my belly, and at my sides.

He said it hurts him, when I pull a sheet over myself. It makes him feel as though I don't trust him not to love me as I am.

I trusted him not to hurt me, and he did... Perhaps there is an element of distrust there.

But it's mostly about me

After I fell in love with him, and before he hurt me, I was happy being naked with him.

He turned me from being a fat cow into being beautiful like a Reubens painting.
And now I'm a fat cow again.

It's really strange that my body image is so tied up with my self esteem, and that both are tangled into my perceptions of whether I'm loved.

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