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UK. South-east. North Kent. A town called Chatham. Home of the Chatham Girl.

What are Chatham Girls? A very good question:

One word: Sheep. Well, sheep of themselves. They are a large group of people unable to express themselves as individuals.

Where can I find a Chatham Girl? Well, of course, in Chatham (or Cha-Am in Chathamese), but sightings have also been found nationwide, although the Medway Towns (North Kent towns including Chatham) are largely populated with them. One reason could be the Chatham Girls' lack of knowledge of contraception.

What are other names for a Chatham Girl? Chav, Trendy, Skank, Mum, etc.

How might I recognise a Chatham Girl? Well, quite simply, here are a checklist of things to look for.

-BIG gold earrings, the bigger the better. Occasionally with a ball on them.
-"Designer" sports wear, such as Adidas, Reebok etc. These girls wish to spend their dole on these huge adverts to make them look as though they have money to spend.
-Kid in buggy. Say a word as big as contraception, and they'll go "Wha the fuuuck are yooo on abut yooo Kuuuuunt?"
-Crap hairstyles. Bleached, permed, up in a pineapple lookalike ponytail, scraped back with loads of hairspray on to look as though they've been dragged around by the hair by someone with very greasy hands, or otherwise.
-And finally.... CLOWNS! The movable figures in gold with jewels in that are pure tack. The bigger the better. It shows how many guys the Chatham girl had to sleep with to get the money to pay for it. God knows if you get these clowns in other countries, but in the UK, they come in practically any size. The best Chatham Girl has a Clown so big, she has to have a gold-sprayed bike chain to carry it.

So, what do I do if I see a Chatham Girl coming my way? One word: Laugh.

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