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Own a motorcycle, and chicks will want to ride it. There's even a notion among motorcycle fanatics suggesting that if you can get a chick on the back of your bike, you can get her into your bed. For the most part, this is true.

It wasn't until I bought my own motorcycle that I learned why this is.

It has nothing to do with you. It might make you seem more adventurous, daring, or crazy, but that's not why chicks like the bike.

I was halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles on Highway 101 when my girlfriend, who had been casually leaning on the backrest out of my field of view, suddenly lurched forward and grabbed me around the waist, squeezing so hard it hurt.

If you've never ridden a motorcycle, I should point out that sudden movement by a passenger is a Bad Thing(tm). I thought she was panicking about something, so I veered to the side of the road, flipped up my lid, asked her what was wrong. She seemed a little flushed, but said she was fine. We resumed our travel.

Maybe thirty miles later (as time is measured in miles on a long motorcycle ride), she lurched foward again. This time, I wasn't taken by suprise. I reached back for her knee to give it a comforting squeeze, only to discover she was shaking, as if she were shivering with cold. I was about to pull over again, to see if she was sick, when I realized what was happening.

She was having an orgasm on my bike.

At first, I thought it was cool. Maybe even a turnon. But as the ride progressed, worry set in. What if she only liked me for my bike? What if my bike was a better lover than I was? The horror! I had visions of midnight trysts in the garage, my girlfriend straddling my motorcycle, revving the engine and crying out in passion while I slept, blissfully unaware.

The next time you think of buying a motorcycle for the sex appeal, remember: It's just a big vibrator.

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