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I'm thinking of selling my homemade lip balm. I would need to add preservative, just to be safe. I read a comparison of products for preserving homemade lotions and balms. The author makes and sells her own natural skincare products, and she basically uses the same techniques and ingredients as I use for mine. So it's the branding that makes you stand out. 

My main reason for selling is that I made too much. I only need a couple of tubes for myself, so why not sell the extra? I have no desire to run a lip balm company, but extra money would be nice.

So I'll re-read that article about natural preservatives and choose one to try. Then I'll have to find a place that sells it. Then I'll order that plus more empty lip balm tubes. I couldn't find any tubes when I checked the store downtown last week. 

The current batch is made with calendula-infused grapeseed oil, and the older batch contains comfrey-infused olive oil. I'm still trying to decide if one works better than the other. I use at least one of them every day. Oh, and I need to design a label. I know how to do that in Gimp. I might use different paper for printing. The label paper works fine for jars, but I don't know how well it would curl around a tube. 

I was going to say a bunch of stuff about my year, provide a nice little summary. But here's the most important part: I wrote a list of things to do, and I'm doing them. That's a big deal for me. And I don't mean little things like "buy more soap." This is a list of the stuff I've procrastinated for the past 10 weeks or longer, according to my morning pages. This is stuff I do NOT feel like doing. Yet here I am doing one item each day, just a little bit, day after day until it is done. Then I move on to the next thing.

It is painful.

I still don't know WTF is wrong with me. Why do I get so stressed just from living life? I guess moving on from my old life is hard. 

I keep having dreams about moving somewhere new. In one dream, I'm on an old, crowded bus. People I know from my childhood come and go. I don't know how much longer it will be to get to my stop. I'm on my way to look at a place I'm thinking of moving to. I know it won't be very nice, but I want to look anyway. The dream ends before I reach my stop.

In another dream, I'm in an apartment building. I'm in the hallway looking into a small, empty room with white walls. An old friend from university is standing there, showing it to me. I'm telling him that it's smaller than I thought. "I don't know why I thought this would be big enough for both me and H," I'm telling him. He nods in agreement, making it clear that he didn't know what I was thinking, either.

Some of my dreams have me trapped in a house or room that I'm trying to escape. In the latest one I remember, I'm in H's family's house. It's not their house in real life, but it is in the dream. I'm sneaking up and down the stairs and trying to get out without anyone seeing me. I feel dread. Nobody sees me, and I wake up before I find a way out.

My brain is telling me something. It's probably something obvious. Maybe that I need to keep moving forward, otherwise I'm stuck in limbo. 

Okay, that's it. I don't know if this is depressing news or good news. A bit of both, I think. Thanks for reading.

I ruined my computer today.

My operating system had been occasionally (a few times a day, sometimes a few times an hour depending on the day) freezing up for a few minutes and making a loud noise. Sometimes it would crash alltogether and turn off. You can imagine my annoyance, especially if I was working on a project. I ran a few virus scans, made sure my system was up to date, neither of those things helped. I checked to see if my RAM or VRAM was getting maxxed-out when it happened (it wasn't). I uninstalled almost every single program on my system, save what I actually need. I unplugged all my USB devices, I manually updated every single driver, including my graphics card drivers. Nothing would fix it.

So today, I decided to format the disk and reinstall windows. This is something I've done a dozen times. Formatting it takes one to five minutes, installing takes ten to twenty, and voila, a brand new installation. I burned the latest version of the Windows 10 ISO image onto a USB drive. I had an old formatter drive laying around so I didn't bother making one. The format went well, it was over in about two seconds. I then tried to boot into the installation disk, and it would not boot into it. Whatsoever. I tried disabling all my drives in my BIOS setup, I tried putting the USB disk to the top of the priority order, I tried just about everything in the BIOS that you can fathom. I tried re-downloading and re-burning the installation disk. Nothing would work.

So after about seven hours of pain and frustration (and having a great deal of things that I need to get done by a deadline that were getting put off by my tinkering around), I finally caved and just installed Linux Mint. I probably won't go back to Windows. So I can't use OneNote, Excel, Word, or any of the other things that my institution provides for free. All my notes are on OneNote, but I can probably get them online, so that's something.

I spent another two or three hours putting off what I have to get done by setting up and visually customizing my operating system. I haven't finished everything, but I got what I needed. I got the essential software, Microsoft fonts (and a couple of my favorites). The first thing I immediately did was customize the theme; the out-of-the-box light theme made me want to vomit. I customized my icons, terminal, all that. Installed my IDE because I'm working now as a marginally-above-minimum-wage web developer (at which I am entirely inadequate but somehow bullshitting my way through everything).

Out of curiosity, I set WINE (a windows-compatibility software for Linux, basically a glorified emulator) to Windows 95 and attempted to load Chessmaster. I got about as much luck as I did running Windows 10 in '95 compatability mode, so that's nice. I put out a feeler on Facebook seeing if any old folks are willing to part with their ancient PCs, maybe I'll experience some miracle and get something for the holidays.

I have a paper to write about web-security and I'm about a quarter of a page into it. I have a bunch of stuff in my bibliography, all that's left is coming up with the material and citing it. I can probably bullshit my way through it and get an acceptable grade (80+). I generally shoot for 90+ but I haven't had time because of all my PC issues (and partially putting it off due to perfectionism and stress.)

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